The Battery Operated Magic Toupee landed on Dickofa Barnyard - a planet that would give Old McDonald a stroke and have him drop dead on his farm while whispering his dying words of “Ee- i ee- i fucking-o!”

On a planet where the animals are nasty little shits andtalk, some of the cows on the farm moo, “Hey ya fucking perve, stop squeezing my milky teats! Go squeeze your wife’s titties with those callous, cold hands You fucking filthy farmer!”

The farmer also had insolent chicks on the farm that went,“Cluck-cluck, fuck you… after I crap all over the farm, I’m coming in the house and pebbledash your living room withchickenshit. And keep your grubby hands off my eggs… they come out of MY poop pipe so I’ll eat them!”

And McDonald’s pigs are all gone… they went to the Muslimand Jewish neighbourhoods to taunt the locals,

Which animal is the biggest dick? it’s hard to tell but may believe it to be the dog.

The dogs on planet Dickofa Barnyard have a real attitude andcan be heard barking, “Throw me a bone! Muther-fucker, you want to throw me the bone?! You keep the fucking boneand I'll eat the Goddamn meat that’s on the bone. And… If I want to hump your leg, I'll hump your goddamn leg and I don't care if you have to change your trousers when I'm done! Now I’m going next door and 69 the poodle!”

Warning – keep all animals out of the room while listeningto this latest episode.

After journeying from dimension to dimension and multiverse to multiverse, The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee was getting lonely. He wanted someone or something to share his life with.

Actually, to be perfectly candid, The battery Operated Magic Toupee wanted to get laid hence it landed onPlookit Four: one of the best planets in the multiverse where one can easily log in to a website and immediately be matched up with either the perfect companion to spend one's life or just have a quickie.

After entering its information under sex and gender (“?” and “??”), The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee went through the extensive questionnaire.

It answered the question, “What is your plan for a romantic evening with a date?”

The horny toupee replied, “ I would take my date to the waste pipes, at the lower end of the sewerage pond, where the dead fish accumulate. I would set up a table of crates and my lover and I would enjoy a colourful buffet of raw diseased fish carcasses and extra stinky rodent halibut. And at the end of a romantic evening – we would wash off any unusual barnacles and crustaceans and then go to the doctor and be examined for STDs (Stinky Terrible Diarrhoea).”

As BOMT gets it off with its date – tune into this latest Battery Operated Magic Toupee – the Podcast and try to forget what the Battery Operated Magic Toupee is doing on its date and erase that image from your mind.

The Battery Operated Magic Toupee landed in the planet U-I-whatever.

U-I-whatever is the planet of social media. It isn't the case that person-to-person interactions are just looked down… they are forbidden. A live conversation, in person, with another being is considered, in the words of the planet’s greatest intellect, “Eeeech… how fucking cringeworthy.”

After an eight-hour live feed of sleep, including instances of unconscious mutterings and the occasional sleep farts, a typical day on U-I- begins with citizens waking up from their slumber and graciously say “thank you to all you wonderful people, I hope you enjoyed watching me sleep.”

Ironically, or just due to poor social planning, no-one ever watches any of the 8 billion podcasts since every person is pooping out their own show 29/8 (there are 29 hours a day and 8 days a week on this planet – which makes life even more torturous),]

The Battery Operated Magic Toupee just sat and watched it’s favourite channel, “The Doris Finklestein Having Her Evening Bowel Movement Podcast.”

And now lets hear The Battery Operated Magic Toupee – the Podcast… while not as good as or on the same intellectyal level as we get to hear something, not as good as The Doris Finklestein Having Her Evening Bowel Movement Podcast”... it’s the only one we have.