In a world where the day begins with blinking notifications and ends with unanswered messages, many of us are carrying an invisible weight. This episode examines the psychological and physiological cost of always being available and why the pressure to respond is quietly rewiring our nervous systems. From the dopamine mechanics of unread messages to the guilt spiral of delayed replies, we explore how digital communication has become an endless loop that never truly resolves.

Through lived experience and cultural observation, we unpack the silent labor behind texting, the emotional taxation of voice notes, and the internalized expectations that shape how we relate to others online. It’s an honest invitation to step back, set boundaries without guilt, and consider the possibility that your nervous system is asking for something quieter.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

• Why digital communication feels like a to-do list your brain can’t close
• How the myth of “Inbox Zero” keeps you trapped in an endless loop
• The psychological cost of “mutual awareness” in texting culture
• What invisible labor looks like in a high-volume digital world
• Why guilt and avoidance often stem from internalized expectations
• How to take conscious control of your responsiveness without disconnecting from your life
• Why silence may be the missing element your nervous system needs

✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.

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Psychological astrologer Dr. Laurence Hillman returns to the podcast for a rare, unfiltered conversation on desire, danger, and the archetypal forces that shape our lives beneath the surface. We dive deep into the myth of Persephone, the shadow of the lover archetype, and the cultural fear of Hades from both a literal and symbolic perspective. We also explore why we are drawn to unsafe situations even when our intuition warns us, how we mistake power for love, and what it means to become conscious of the gods we’re enacting, whether or not we realize it.

With vulnerability and precision, the episode moves through themes like female rites of passage, the erotic pull of the underworld, religious repression, motherhood, aesthetic agency, and what it takes to keep Venus alive in a domesticated world. Laurence speaks to the difference between being “done by” archetypal forces and learning to work with them intentionally. Together, we sketch a vision of spiritual adulthood that doesn’t rely on victimhood or ego, but an embodied middle way. If you’re craving a conversation that cuts through noise and speaks directly to your inner alchemist, look no further.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How female desire gets distorted in a culture that represses both eros and complexity
• The difference between Venus as beauty and Venus as a living energy that must be consciously welcomed into our lives
• How to begin working with archetypal forces as active co-creators
• Why collective fear of depth shows up as purity culture, repression, and spiritual bypassing
• What it means to bring erotic presence back into long-term love and partnership
• How unresolved desire turns into performance, numbness, or compulsive reenactment
• Why Laurence says, “You can’t domesticate Venus,” and what that truth asks of us
• The difference between trauma reenactment and a descent journey that leads to wisdom
• How archetypal astrology reveals our hidden patterns and invites us into symbolic adulthood
• What it looks like to reimagine spirituality beyond binaries of sin vs. virtue, ego vs. victim, lust vs. love

→ Connect with Laurence and dive into his work at laurencehillman.com.

→ Click here to listen to my first conversation with Laurence or search “Show Me Your Scars and I’ll Show You How Deep You Are” on your favorite podcast player to find the episode.

Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:

PATHWORK → Monthly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.

THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.

THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.

BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.

Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com.

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Many of us find healing through learning about trauma - especially childhood emotional neglect, dysfunctional family systems, and the lasting impact of parental misattunement. That language can bring relief, perspective, and a sense of validation. But over time, it can also shape how we remember the past in ways we don’t always notice.In this episode, I explore how the process of trauma recovery can quietly distort memory, leading us to overlook the real moments of joy, connection, and care that existed alongside the pain.

I share my own experience of getting stuck in the all-trauma lens, how that shaped my identity for a while, and what it took to begin the slow (and painful) process of moving into emotional adulthood. We’ll talk about the difference between trauma literacy and trauma identification, the psychology of memory and how it works, and why psychological integration requires remembering both what hurt and what didn’t.

This conversation also looks at how cultural narratives around severance, no-contact, and scapegoating parents can become another form of stuckness. I reflect on what it means to truly grow up (spiritually, emotionally, and relationally) and how remembering the good doesn’t erase the harm. The ability to hold complexity is a true marker of healing.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• How trauma content can quietly reshape your memories over time
• Why emotional adulthood means holding grief and joy at the same time
• The difference between trauma literacy and trauma identification
• How cutoff culture online encourages black-and-white thinking about family
• What Jung’s “divine child” archetype can teach us about growing up
• Why remembering good memories is part of psychological integration
• How over-identifying with pain can drain relationships, creativity, and self-trust
• Why spiritual maturity requires an aspect of contradiction

✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Desire is meant to be a creative force. Something within us that fuels connection, expression, intimacy, and imagination. But for many of us, that force has been warped and inverted. That means instead of feeling energized by what we want, we chase it compulsively. We convince ourselves that attention + intensity = love. In the process, we end up exhausted, numb, or locked into patterns that THINK are passionate but instead is just living in survival mode.

In this episode, we explore what happens when desire becomes distorted and when it stops being life-GIVING and starts serving the parts of us that are still trying to EARN love, safety, or power. We move beyond diagnostic frameworks and into a more symbolic, metaphysical approach that treats desire as something sacred, but easily rerouted through hunger, grief, or unmet developmental needs.

Together, we’ll walk through three common distortions of desire: the hungry ghost self, which seeks constant romantic highs and external validation; the aestheticized self, which curates identity as performance and confuses visibility with intimacy; and the numb hedonist, who turns to pleasure not to feel more, but to feel less. You’ll see that these aren’t character flaws or signs that something is inherently wrong with you, they’re merely coping strategies built from pain.

Along the way, we’ll draw from esoteric traditions like the Tree of Life, archetypes like Dionysus and Apollo, and depth psychology’s view of the daimon as the inner force that carries both our gifts and our grief. You’ll learn how distorted desire is a pattern. And the thing about patterns is that they can be recognized, interrupted, and re-aligned.

This conversation invites you to trace your desires back to their source and ask what they’ve been trying to TELL you. Not in the language of performance or perfection, but in the quiet truth of what you’ve longed for all along.

If you’ve ever felt addicted to intensity, emotionally flat from too much pleasure, or caught in the loop of wanting what harms you, this episode offers a new framework that doesn’t shame desire, but helps you reclaim it.

GO DEEPER WITH HUNDREDS OF BONUS EPISODES + WEEKLY PATHWORK PROMPTS.

Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:

PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.

THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.

THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.

BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.

Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we explore the deeper truths that may be hiding beneath the surface of today’s “Disclosure” discourse. While headlines focus on UFO sightings, UAP whistleblowers, and NHI (non-human intelligence), the real story may be something much more unsettling and much more important. What if the biggest secret isn’t “recovered craft”, but the nature of reality itself?

Drawing on current events, ancient spiritual frameworks, and emerging scientific cracks in the materialist worldview, we walk through three destabilizing realities that challenge everything we’ve been taught to believe. We’ll begin with the idea that consciousness is not created by the brain, but exists independently and uses the brain like a receiver. From there, we explore the participatory nature of reality itself and how perception isn’t passive, but actively shapes the field around us. Finally, we examine the roots of psychological suffering, and the growing evidence that mental illness may be more about spiritual disconnection than chemical imbalance. If these ideas were widely accepted as reality overnight, entire systems would have to fall: psychiatry, education, media, tech, the pharmaceutical industry, and even most organized religions.

This episode offers a grounded, non-performative way to re-enter these questions without falling into conspiracy, spiritual bypass, or new age clichés. If you’ve felt something shifting under the surface of daily life and sensed that the world is not what it seems, this conversation will probably feel pretty validating. Now more than ever, it’s time to reclaim our perception, question our programming, and start listening to what reality is trying to tell us.

✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.

Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is the cost of being a “good patient”? For Laura, it was nearly her life.

Join me as I sit down with Laura Delano, author of the groundbreaking memoir Unshrunk: A Story of Psychiatric Treatment Resistance. A former “professional psychiatry patient” turned fierce advocate for psychiatric liberation, Laura brings her unique and deeply courageous voice to one of the most urgent conversations of our time.

At age 14, Laura was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a single psychiatric appointment. What followed was over a decade of misdiagnoses, institutionalization, and polypharmacy, where at one point she was on 19 different psychiatric drugs. Despite having access to the most elite doctors, hospitals, and treatment centers money could buy (including Harvard-affiliated psychiatrists and the prestigious McLean Hospital) Laura’s condition only worsened. Eventually, she was labeled “treatment-resistant” and attempted suicide. But she survived. And then… she walked away completely.

In this episode, Laura and I explore:

• The psychiatric pipeline: how people in distress are pathologized and medicated
• The trauma of being misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder
• The dangers of polypharmacy and long-term psychiatric drug use
• Why access to elite psychiatric care often makes things worse and not better
• Her experience inside a “gold standard” BPD treatment program (and why she left it)
• How reading her own psychiatric records exposed a disturbing split between what was said and what was written
• What it means to reclaim your life after being medicalized
• How Laura came to see her “symptoms” as signals pointing to a deeper need for freedom, meaning, and reconnection

Whether you’ve been personally affected by psychiatric diagnoses and medications, or you’re beginning to question the stories we’ve been collectively told about mental health, this conversation will likely feel like a breath of fresh air. It challenges dominant narratives, honors the complexity of emotional pain, and points toward a different kind of path forward.

CONNECT WITH LAURA:

https://www.lauradelano.com/

https://unshrunkthebook.com/

https://www.theinnercompass.org/

If you enjoy this episode, don’t forget to rate, review, and share the show. And for more resources, including my Critical Psychiatry booklist, visit BackFromTheBorderline.com.

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This episode plunges into the most feared symbols in the Western imagination: Lilith, Lucifer, the Devil, the Serpent, and the Dragon, and asks what we’ve buried, projected, or misunderstood in our efforts to exile them. Even the mere mention of these names makes many people look away. We’ve been taught, almost reflexively, that these figures are dangerous, evil, or untouchable. But that reflex didn’t just happen, it was engineered.

Across time, empires, churches, and ideological orders have taught us to fear the dark not because it is inherently harmful, but because it threatens structures built on binary control. This episode traces the historical roots of that programming and explores how these symbols, stripped of nuance, became scapegoats for archetypal forces that live within all of us. Sexual sovereignty, primal vitality, sacred temptation, and untamed knowledge. When we repress these forces, they don’t disappear, they warp. And it’s that very distortion that becomes the real source of harm from a personal, cultural and spiritual perspective.

This episode is a sober attempt to bring a sense of maturity, complexity, and symbolic depth to things we’ve been told never to touch. Through myth, history, psychology, and cultural critique, we’ll uncover how our refusal to face the dark makes us more susceptible to possession by it. Not in a supernatural way, but through repression, denial, and disconnection.

If you’ve ever sensed that your fear of “evil” might be masking something more nuanced, more human, and more initiatory, you’re one of the few who is actually ready for this conversation. It’s my hope that you’ll leave with a clearer sense of how archetypes influence behavior, how light and dark must be held in conscious balance, and how growing into true psychological adulthood requires the courage to face what once frightened you.

✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.

Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is an in-depth psychological breakdown of Love Island USA Season 7, one of the most viral and culturally polarizing seasons in the franchise’s history. Drawing from attachment theory, nervous system insight, and cultural analysis, the episode offers a detailed look at how cast members like Huda, Jeremiah, Amaya, Taylor, Nic, Olandria, and Cierra reflect deeper dynamics playing out in dating, performance, and projection.

Topics covered include emotional regulation, love bombing, anxious-avoidant patterns, limerence, and how fan responses mirror broader collective behavior. The episode explores the mechanisms behind character editing, viewer identification, and the emotional architecture of shows that rely on real-time voting and public judgment. Listeners will come away with a clearer understanding of why these characters triggered such strong reactions, what their arcs reveal about contemporary dating psychology, and how spectacle intersects with vulnerability in the current media environment.

If you’re new here, Back From the Borderline is a weekly deep-dive show unpacking the emotional, psychological, and relational patterns beneath the surface of our culture. Each episode blends grounded analysis with long-form reflection on identity, attachment, and the unconscious dynamics shaping how we relate to ourselves, to others, and to the world. Make sure to follow Back From the Borderline on the podcast app you’re listening to right now. New episodes drop every Tuesday. To access my book recommendations, Substack articles, or join the Patreon community, visit backfromtheborderline.com.

⏱ TIME STAMPS

00:00 – 12:30 | INTRODUCTION: Spoiler alert, cultural context, and why this Love Island season demanded a full psychological breakdown.

12:28 – 49:49 | HUDA & JEREMIAH: “Mommy? Mamacita?” Main character energy collides with quiet avoidance. The spark that lit the season’s first fire.

49:54 – 1:04:47 | AMAYA: Soft-hearted in a game that rewards detachment. Too tender, too soon, and the villa didn’t know what to do with her.

1:04:51 – 1:23:58 | NIC & CIERRA: Golden retriever meets grounded queen. Can she anchor him, or will he drift again?

1:23:57 – 1:44:59 | TAYLOR & OLANDRIA: She chose patience. He chose Clarke. The heartbreak that cleared a path for Nicolandria.

1:44:59 – 2:06:27 | FINAL ANALYSIS: Love Island as mirror, spectacle, and modern-day shadow work.

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