This week on the pod, Haley flies to Chicago on a whim—hoping for a flirty encore with a MILWAUKEE 9 only to face next-level ghosting. Meanwhile, the pod welcomes two new sports babies: Kylie Kelsey’s daughter Finley (aka “Finn”), plus a heart-tugging cosmic newborn for Johnny Gaudreau’s family that perfectly matches her late husband’s birth stats.

Parker and Haley sift through March Madness woes (RIP, Duke and Auburn) and roll their eyes at the lack of Cinderella drama—then dive into the NCAA lawsuit settlement that could reshape college sports with salaries, roster limits, and a real payday for ex-players. The MLB snags an LVP for underpaying its minor-leaguers (hello, near-poverty wages), while Pat McAfee lands in hot water for spreading a false Ole Miss rumor that “ruined” one freshman’s life. Balancing the scales: Patrick Kane nabs an MVP for breaking the U.S.-born 20-goal-season record, and Kaylon Saunders hosts an LGBTQ-friendly football camp in honor of his openly gay brother. File under: cosmic babies, chaotic Chicago trips, and an NCAA on the brink.

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This week, Parker and Haley pop champagne for their half-year anniversary—and things only get wilder from there. Parker admits to flashing a “do you have an open relationship?” sign at his NYC neighbors (cue mortified crawl across the floor), while Haley contemplates a last-minute flight to chase down a country singer who may or may not deliver the goods.

They dig into MLB’s new “torpedo bats” that have Yankee hitters slamming home runs like it’s a beer-league derby— Dave Portnoy calls it cheating, and the Brewers look shell-shocked. Meanwhile, the NFL stirs more holiday drama with Christmas Eve and Day games (sorry, NBA) and rolls out rule changes galore. In a scattered celeb corner, Morgan Wallen’s SNL exit sets the internet on fire (did he bail too fast, or was it a PR stunt?), Adam Sandler pops up on a random West Side Highway court, and the Hogan family feud leaves Brooke slammed by Linda’s online rant. Finally, MVPs go to Sidney Crosby’s record-smashing 20th straight point-per-game season and Stephon Marbury’s cheap-sneaker comeback, while Morgan Wallen’s meltdown and White Lotus conspiracy theorists snag LVP honors. Grab a glass—this half-year bash is unhinged.

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This week, Parker and Haley are fresh off wild weekends—Haley’s bachelorette chaos in Fort Lauderdale (complete with nude butlers and a Taco Bell outfit cameo) and Parker’s shirtless dance marathon at a Hell’s Kitchen bar. They dive into March Madness mania (who’s riding that underdog bet?), spotlight the hype-man manager from McNeese State grabbing NIL deals galore, and brace for MLB’s Opening Day—featuring new “value menus” (and bizarre “unicorn hot dogs”) at ballparks.

They also react to Tiger Woods and Vanessa Trump’s official “hard launch,” dissect Jaden Daniels’s mom going full “cock-block cop” on USC’s Juju Watkins, and celebrate Joe Burrow headlining Quarterback Season 2. For LVPs: an 81-year-old girls’ basketball coach who yanked a player’s ponytail, plus a private-equity takeover of the Celtics that screams “bottom line over legacy.” MVP nods go to Netflix (for locking down Joey B) and LSU guard Flau’jae Johnson, erasing $5M of consumer debt in her home state. Buckle up for one chaotic comeback!

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IG: @YouThrowLikeAGirlPodcast