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Found another tape in that old box from the Sudbury garage sale. I’m still trying to figure out why these people even bothered to record any of this.

This one opens with our familiar Bootstuck correspondent ranting about “training your ears to hear fast” by imitating rap music—he actually says rap rap rap rap like that’s instructional. Then he goes on about lines, arrows, and their life purpose (apparently good for Tuesday, Wednesday, and...Tuesday?).

There’s a bit about the air and sky (nothing further—just those words), then a detour into seagulls before he abruptly claims he has to go but immediately starts another story anyway.

Things get even more local when Don shows up—yes, he seems to be right there, answering like it’s a party line. They talk about Dave’s plan to sculpt spaghetti after eating chili. Front-row seats are apparently a big deal since they only have three chairs in town.

We also learn they have running water now—a real science breakthrough. Dinner plans include possum Dave found on the road (still “mostly soft inside”), and someone suggests just grabbing chicken instead.

Our narrator admits the most exotic Bootstuck meal he ever had was when they drank downed-medical-supply alcohol after a plane crash. They’re hoping for another crash so they can meet new people. And they propose making their annual trip to the crash site to light a candle, like some twisted memorial.

Before signing off, there’s a math riddle about pears that makes no sense (“One pair, two pairs of pairs—how many do I have?”), and they promise big things next week—a circus, a Guinness record attempt—and finish with Dave being told to clear off the coffee table for dancing.

Another baffling glimpse into Bootstuck’s way of life. I'm honestly not sure if they're in on the joke or if we're the joke. Either way, I’ll keep cataloging.

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Another tape cleaned up and transcribed, another mind bending conversation from the 'Stuck. It opens in classic Bootstuck fashion with a baffling promise to “pleasure a man with a musical number,” before drifting into talk about the arrival of Spring—though any meaningful plans from Caleb seem vague at best.

There's also an extended and pointless analysis of Dave’s calves, which are apparently “like bushes,” before the recording is interrupted by Steven in the other room loudly watching Of Human Bondage.

Most of the discussion is supposed to be about the business name—Jumbo 99 cents or Less Video Production House—which even they admit is awful and misleading. They can’t decide if it’s a store, a video place, or something else entirely.

And just as Hat Guy finally seems ready to reveal his real name, there’s the unmistakable sound of an auto collision on the line, cutting the whole thing short.

I’m left with more questions than answers. But I guess that’s how these tapes always go.

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Another tape showed up, and I had to listen through the usual haze of static, crosstalk, and a phone call that cut in halfway through. I’m still trying to figure out who is calling them, or how they even have service out there.

The conversation is hard to follow, but there are offhand mentions of aerial supply drops. They talk about waiting for things to “fall out of the sky” like that’s their normal supply chain. No schedule, no pilot contact—just hoping for a box of essentials to appear in a field.

The rest is typical Bootstuck chaos: interruptions about “Pasquale” joining some team, shouts about rules no one seems to agree on, and the constant background argument about who’s in charge of writing it all down.

The recording ends abruptly, but not before one of them mutters something about “the upside-down lady with the Ace of Spades.” I don’t even know what that means. A playing card? A warning? Another local legend?

Honestly, the more of these tapes I hear, the less I understand how any of this place works.

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Tape 26: “Tires, Carrots, and Other Local Crops”

Got another recording today—this one opens with them claiming to have reached my “secretary” (the voicemail, I assume), asking if she has good penmanship.

After that, the call wanders through Bootstuck’s new agricultural report: apparently they’ve got a backfield full of “wild tires” that “grow” in the mud, plus a bumper crop of unexpected carrots. Dave’s supposedly writing a musical number about the tires.

Plans are also underway for a roller coaster (target height: seven feet), which Caleb is building out back, presumably with whatever they call “ticky tacky” around there.

Other local concerns include Martin (described as a “weaselly” fellow who ate a Tupperware lid and the toilet seat) and the critical safety rule that you must close the outhouse seat to keep out swans—or entire families of raccoons.

As usual, no clarification on why they’re leaving these messages, or how they even got the interviewers number.

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Tape 25: “Bruise Your Bum?”

There was a voicemail waiting this morning. I still have no idea how they got my number. No callback info, no explanation—just another rambling dispatch from Bootstuck.

It opens with a commotion in one of the backrooms and quickly derails into a story about beach injuries sustained from excessive waving. When pressed for any kind of local wisdom, they suggest an owl could probably handle that sort of thing.

A brief airshow takes place—unverified—before a scuffle breaks out nearby and Caleb is summoned to make soup.

Hat Guy ends the call abruptly when Jerry arrives with his wheelbarrow and squeaky shoes.

So many questions remain, including who our interviewer really is… and what the original mission was in contacting Bootstuck at all.

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It starts innocently enough: Hat Guy claiming there’s going to be an airshow. This, naturally, turns out to mean one plane seen from very far away, a helicopter that might’ve been a goose, and a deflated rainbow-shaped hot air balloon salvaged from wherever such things land when they've had enough. Still, it’s more organized than the ski hill.

Things then veer into a community talent show where Caleb will be judged — possibly for sport, possibly for population control. No prizes, just the chance to stay. Scorecards are involved. Posters are planned. The standard unit of measurement is “a wooden board.”

And then, just as I’m starting to feel like I’ve adjusted to Bootstuck’s rhythm, they casually mention a plane crash.

Apparently, the entire town may have formed around it. Over 200 people survived and… stayed. No one’s clear on when. Or how. Or why. But they’ve got a sign, a map, and plans to turn it into a movie, so it’s real enough for them.

If this was fiction, it’d be bad exposition. But it's not fiction — it’s a tape. And that’s honestly worse.

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