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Found another tape in that old box from the Sudbury garage sale. I’m still trying to figure out why these people even bothered to record any of this.

This one opens with our familiar Bootstuck correspondent ranting about “training your ears to hear fast” by imitating rap music—he actually says rap rap rap rap like that’s instructional. Then he goes on about lines, arrows, and their life purpose (apparently good for Tuesday, Wednesday, and...Tuesday?).

There’s a bit about the air and sky (nothing further—just those words), then a detour into seagulls before he abruptly claims he has to go but immediately starts another story anyway.

Things get even more local when Don shows up—yes, he seems to be right there, answering like it’s a party line. They talk about Dave’s plan to sculpt spaghetti after eating chili. Front-row seats are apparently a big deal since they only have three chairs in town.

We also learn they have running water now—a real science breakthrough. Dinner plans include possum Dave found on the road (still “mostly soft inside”), and someone suggests just grabbing chicken instead.

Our narrator admits the most exotic Bootstuck meal he ever had was when they drank downed-medical-supply alcohol after a plane crash. They’re hoping for another crash so they can meet new people. And they propose making their annual trip to the crash site to light a candle, like some twisted memorial.

Before signing off, there’s a math riddle about pears that makes no sense (“One pair, two pairs of pairs—how many do I have?”), and they promise big things next week—a circus, a Guinness record attempt—and finish with Dave being told to clear off the coffee table for dancing.

Another baffling glimpse into Bootstuck’s way of life. I'm honestly not sure if they're in on the joke or if we're the joke. Either way, I’ll keep cataloging.

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Another tape cleaned up and transcribed, another mind bending conversation from the 'Stuck. It opens in classic Bootstuck fashion with a baffling promise to “pleasure a man with a musical number,” before drifting into talk about the arrival of Spring—though any meaningful plans from Caleb seem vague at best.

There's also an extended and pointless analysis of Dave’s calves, which are apparently “like bushes,” before the recording is interrupted by Steven in the other room loudly watching Of Human Bondage.

Most of the discussion is supposed to be about the business name—Jumbo 99 cents or Less Video Production House—which even they admit is awful and misleading. They can’t decide if it’s a store, a video place, or something else entirely.

And just as Hat Guy finally seems ready to reveal his real name, there’s the unmistakable sound of an auto collision on the line, cutting the whole thing short.

I’m left with more questions than answers. But I guess that’s how these tapes always go.

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