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  • More Neuroscience from some very clever clogs - for Sex Addiction folks
    2024/12/20

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    - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

    Let me not re-invent the wheel in this episode. There are some really clever people who say it better than me (even if rather brain hurtingly academical)! Read this Article:

    The impact of the digital revolution on human brain and behavior: where do we stand?

    Link: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.31887/DCNS.2020.22.2/mkorte

    ".....This overview will outline the current results of neuroscience research on the possible effects of digital media use on the human brain, cognition, and behavior. This is of importance due to the significant amount of time that individuals spend using digital media. Despite several positive aspects of digital media, which include the capability to effortlessly communicate with peers, even over a long distance, and their being used as training tools for students and the elderly, detrimental effects on our brains and minds have also been suggested. Neurological consequences have been observed related to internet/gaming addiction, language development, and processing of emotional signals....
    ......A particularly important time for brain development is adolescence, a period when brain areas involved in emotional and social aspects are undergoing intensive changes. Social media might have a profound effect on the adolescent brain due to the fact they allow adolescents to interact with many peers at once without meeting them directly. And indeed, published data indicate a different mode of processing emotions in adolescents, which is highly correlated to the intensity of social media use. This has been shown in the gray matter volume of the amygdala, which processes emotions.....
    ........This suggests an important interplay between actual social experiences in online social networks and brain development......Emotion precedence, peer conformity, or acceptance sensitivity might make teenagers in particular vulnerable to fake or shocking news, as well as unlikely self-expectations, or vulnerable as regards regulation of emotions due to unfavorable use of digital media......"

    Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

    Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

    Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

    Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

    Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

    The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com

    Gary McFarlane

    Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy

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    11 分
  • Sex Addiction Neuroscience stuff - lush knowledge!....I think!
    2024/12/13

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    - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

    There is a correlation between Sex Addiction and ADHD. When faced with 'danger' on a daily basis (even whilst in the womb!), healthy brain development is derailed and impeded. The area in the brain called the Amygdala (the smoke alarm for danger), increase in volume and becomes over activated.

    The Pre-Cortex and Hippocampus becomes compromised. The protective behaviours become 'hard wired'. Lifestyle, nutrition, exposure to toxins and stress, all play a part in activating ADHD genes.

    Let's have a brief chat about 'The Pleasure Principle' - of the brain. Pleasure has a distinct signature in the brain. Dopamine release in the Nucleus Accumbens is tied to Pleasure. It is the brain's 'Pleasure Centre'.

    Sex Addiction behaviours cause a powerful surge of Dopamine into the Nucleus Accumbens. Those addictive hormones/drugs, provide a shortcut to the brain's reward system - as it floods the Nucleus Accumbens. That shortcut is lush.

    The Hippocampus lays down the memory marker as to how this rapid sense of satisfaction is achieved. The Amygdala creates a conditioned response to such stimuli.

    Dopamine interacts with another neurotransmitter (called Glutamate) to take over the brain's system of 'Reward-related' learning.That system is important in linking activities for human survival.

    Addictive substances and behaviours stimulate the same circuit, then overloads it. Over time, the brain adapts in a way that makes the 'sought-after' substance or activity, to be less pleasurable.

    The hunt is on to find more novelty, newness, risk taking and crossing boundaries.

    Try this article by Dr Anna Lembke - "Resetting your brain's Dopamine balance": https://youtu.be/azcVRy1X4Fs

    Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

    Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

    Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

    Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

    Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

    The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

    Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

    Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

    Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy |

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    9 分
  • Brain stuff - that isn't boring for the Porn Addict
    2024/12/06

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    - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

    I like this article by Luke Gilkerson (as long ago as 2012), when he interviewed a Neuroscientist called Dr William Struthers - author of the book "How pornograpghy Hijacks the male brain"

    Dr Struthers explains what hormones and neurotransmitters are involved in porn addiction. Hope you find this intriguing and interesting:

    Testosterone: Testosterone drives a man’s interest in sex. Fantasizing or viewing images, will release testosterone. This creates an intense and growing desire for sexual release.

    Norepinephrine: Is the brain’s version of adrenaline. It is responsible for making us alert, help us to wake up, fall asleep and to stay alert upon the task in hand. During sexual arousal, it alerts the brain to “Something is about to happen and we need to get ready for it.” It “ramps up” the brain for activity.

    Serotonin: is a neurotransmitter tied to mood. Low serotonin levels can lead to struggling with depression. Although not specifically tied to sex, when sexual arousal happens, serotonin is released in small packets in the brain. It elevates the overall sense of excitement and enjoyment.

    Dopamine: Dopamine is not sexually specific (like testosterone). The brain is wired in such a way that it wants to remember where our natural drives are satisfied; Just like when we are thirsty, we know where to find water. The brain is wired to place significance on the place we found it so we can return to that place. Dopamine is the drive-related neurotransmitter that accomplishes this mental focus for us. When we have a dopamine surge, the sense we feel is, “I have got to have this thing. This is what I need right now, and here’s where I get it.” Dopamine is the way your brain remembers how sexual craving was satisfied in the past, pushing you to seek out the same thing in the future. For the porn addict, Dopamine creates a sharp focus on finding porn.

    Endogenous Opiates: The body produces natural forms of opium called endorphins. Endorphins relieve pain. Like opium, it gives a euphoric feeling of well-being. When a man ejaculates, these opiates create a “high” and a wave of pleasure coursing over the body.

    Oxytocin and Vasopressin: These are hormones released in the brain in response to ejaculation. They help lay down the long-term memories for the cells. They “bind” a person’s memories to the object that gave the sexual pleasure. When someone returns to pornography again and again, this cements a “relationship” with what he has seen.

    So, bringing them all together: As a male goes through his day, testosterone levels begin to increase as he stares at the source of his sexual attraction or fantasizes. He creates a desire for sexual release. Norepinephrine is being released, making his brain more and more primed and ready for action. Serotonin is also released, creating a sense of excitement about the pending sexual “payoff.” Dopamine is focusing the mind, telling the brain, “You have to go back to the attraction where that reliable payoff is at.” As he seeks out the attraction, he masturbates, releasing endogenous opiates into the brain, giving him a rush of euphoria. Oxytocin and vasopressin are released, binding him to the images he sees.

    Repeat, beckons in the immediate future – when it will all start again and again, and again and again….Until the cycle is interrupted. Interesting hey?

    No quick fixes guys. Quick fixes does not exist!

    Want to know more? Click the link and come get me. Get the help you need:

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    10 分
  • Attachment Styles is a big deal in Sex/Porn/Love Addiction
    2024/11/29

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    - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

    Remember, you cannot change what you cannot see and don't understand. Even when you can better see the problem and understand it, does not mean that you can change it - quickly.

    Insecure Attachment behaviours is one such pattern, which needs to be understood - to experience your "eureka moment" - the light bulb moment.

    Parents (or the main caregivers) are lighthouses. Babies, toddlers and children are ships on the high seas. They can go exploring the out backs of Australia on Walkabout, as long as the lighthouse did its job "good enough" for that child's brain; not necessarily perfectly.

    Consistent and "good enough" caregiving in the childhood developing years, provides the child with the secure base on which to investigate their world. In other words, grow and develop to become independent at the right time, with own well used tools for adulthood.

    When the bonding with those main caregivers is not as it needed to be, because the light went out, got dim, flickered, sometimes on, sometimes off - the developing child had to learn to adjust; not trust; not depend; not seek help; not...; not...; not...;not... (you fill in the blank for you).

    The repercussion and consequent is seen in how the (now adult) goes on to do their adult relationship interaction and dynamics. The well grooved, well practiced, well developed childhood pattern of relationship interaction - will likely now play out in the adult relationships and be quite visible - if you look for it.

    Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

    Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

    Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

    Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

    Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

    The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

    Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

    Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

    Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

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    9 分
  • Love Addicts hate themselves - but don't tell
    2024/11/22

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    - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

    Love Addiction is often a response to Insecure Attachment. It looks like it is about sex and chasing sexual outlets, but it isn't really about sex - as the core desire.

    It is an attempt to gain a sense of 'being wanted', 'being a part of...','accepted', 'owned', 'wanted', 'secure', 'held', 'needed', 'wanted', 'safe', 'protected', 'belonging',

    The class clown will play up to that carved out role, because of a recognition that they get laughs. Through the back door, laughs gives a temporary sense of being a part of the group - where life mostly is a sense of not belonging, excluded, rejected, not acceptable.

    Any attention is better than no attention. The crumbs off the table is better than nothing.

    Friends looking on in frustration and annoyance at the behaviours - self, observing own behaviours - adds to the self-deprecation. The Addict is frustrated. Logic evades them all. The behaviours make no sense. The costs and repercussions from doing the behaviours, make no sense; don't add up.

    The repetition, the risk taking, the boundary crossing, the trashing own Values and trespassing beyond own comfort levels - makes no logically sense.

    "Why do I do the things which I don't want to do and not do the things which I ought to do?"

    Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

    Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

    Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

    Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

    Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

    The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

    Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

    Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

    Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

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    7 分
  • 'Insecure Attachment' = Detachment, Rejection, Loss, Let go of - to Sex/Porn/Love Addicts
    2024/11/15

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    - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

    The Insecure 'ATTACHMENT' label does not describe accurately, what is really in the can with this label on it! It is exactly the opposite. It typically is set up in the early childhood development years. Often, they are experiences which you can't readily or easily access; but your brain remembers them well and put an identification label/marker on each of them, as and when they occurred.

    You cannot necessarily find or access them or the details about them. The brain does it's job well and blots them out from you finding them, so that you do not have a nervous breakdown.

    They have been put in boxes. Nailed down and labels attached saying "DO NOT OPEN. We do not lift the lid off these boxes. They contain uncomfortable stuff. They are stored in this area of the brain, to help you get through life without them (too frequently) causing disruption".

    They are filed in certain parts of your brain, which are not easily accessible without the right password, situation and environment. They can be prematurely triggered out in situations like watching a Netflix movie. (We need to be balanced in our advertising of Netflix and so add.... Amazon Prime, BBC player, Apple TV, a box set etc!).

    EMDR beckons folks. Out of sight is not out of mind - entirely.

    Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

    Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

    Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

    The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

    Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

    Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

    Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intim

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    8 分
  • Sex/Porn/Love Addiction is used to meet depleted Core Emotional Needs
    2024/11/08

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    - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

    There are three ways in which we try to get our Core Emotional Needs met. Meeting Core emotional needs is not negotiable. They want to be met and kept filled up at high levels.

    The reality, however, is that life takes a toll upon us and Core Emotional Needs deplete over time. What are some of those Core Emotional Needs: Approval, Acceptance, Support, Security, Comfort, Respect - amongst others.

    When we have been functioning on low depleted levels for some time (where they are not being replenished regularly enough by certain persons, people and situations) - they wane. Leakage causes depletion.

    We seek to top them up by reacting - through Fight/Flight/Freeze. Each of us use different ones at different times, but there is one of those that we use more often than the other.

    Which one do you use more often? It is not always the obvious one that you first thought!

    Fight: is often more Passive Aggressive, than the very much more visible overt behaviour. Passive Aggression is mostly unseen, yet is a very potent weapon that is welded by many and do not recognise or see the potency of that weapon.

    Fight is mostly not about leaving the toilet seat up for the hundredth time or the top off the tooth paste. Fight is often driven by depleted Core Emotional needs, but not visible or owned by the person.

    Flight: My definition is - "We move ourself away from the place where we perceive that our Core Emotional Needs are not being met and instead, put ourself in a different place where we perceive that our Core Emotional Needs are more likely to be met". That might be a physical moving or an emotional leaving/absence.

    Flight is problematic because of the dangers of fleeing into the arms of someone else who appears to be meeting depleted Core Emotional Needs - which feels like love and affection - but really is not. It is just compensating (temporarily) for a depleted emotional void.

    Freeze: I call "the stiff British upper lip - through the trenches - we just get on".
    Freeze does not look like what is on the label. It is not inactivity. It is more about just ignoring own Needs and just trying to get on with life; but....

    Freeze (getting on with life) - does not stay frozen permanently! Every now and then, there will be a Fight for a short period, then revert back to Freeze for the longer time; otherwise, Flight for a short period, then revert back to Freeze for the longer time.

    Might the reaction being seen; the behaviour being done - arising from depleted Core Emotional Needs? An attempt to meet depleted Core Emotional Needs.

    Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

    Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

    Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

    Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styl

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    13 分
  • The antidote to Narcissism for Sex Addicts, is Empathy
    2024/11/01

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    - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

    Narcissism and Empathy (like same poles of a magnet) cannot co-exist together in the same space. They repel each other. Likewise, they cannot co-exist in the same person at equally high levels.

    Either they will have a high level of Narcissistic traits and a low level of Empathy or vice versa. Work on Empathy and you will see Narcissistic traits recede over time. Remember, there can be no quick fixes in this work with The Kairos Centre; but change - you can expect and will see.

    There is a big difference between Sympathy and Empathy. Something about taking off your shoes and stepping into the shoes - into the world of another - to get their vantage point into their world. Those with higher Narcissistic traits at work, will shriek - "Why on earth would I want to do that".

    That says it all!. Absolutely! Why would you? Why indeed?

    Because that is what Empathy looks like; but is abhorrent to Narcissism. Get it?

    Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

    Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

    Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

    The world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

    Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

    Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

    Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

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    9 分