Boundaries can be one of the hardest areas in recovery for both the addict and their partner. Addicts and their partners only have one thing in their control during recovery – themselves. Setting up both internal and external boundaries is key to a successful recovery journey. In this online webinar, therapist Debbie McRae discusses internal boundaries.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:25] Common boundary mistakes that are setting recovering couples up to fail.

[2:10] What safety boundaries are (and aren’t).

[4:05] Internal boundaries define what you will and won’t tolerate from your partner.

[6:28] ‘Thinking’ boundaries allow us to challenge our negative thoughts.

[12:47] ‘Emotion and feeling’ boundaries allow us to decide if and how to move forward.

[15:35] Choosing to respond rather than react.

[20:11] Internal boundaries that focus on healthy actions and behaviors.

[27:15] Appropriate boundaries around betrayal details.

[31:40] The best place to start is with yourself.

[36:40] If the goal is connection, boundaries are essential.

[37:15] My partner doesn’t even know what they’re feeling. Where do we start?

[44:01] My partner refuses to put in the work. Now what?

[47:52] How does neurodiversity affect our relationship and recovery?

[52:35] My partner lied about his therapist. Where do I go from here?

[56:08] I need help setting reasonable boundaries.

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “Boundaries are about keeping the good in and the bad out.”

• “Internal boundaries allow you to question the facts without getting triggered into distressing emotions.”

• “I can approach my feelings as opportunities to learn about myself and my partner.”

• “The more time we spend getting to know our internal boundaries around our actions and behaviors, the better the outcome is going to be.”