Where does happiness come from?

My father is responsible for teaching me how to be happy. He didn’t wait for happiness to find him. He was a happiness magician.

Is there a place in your life where you are regularly afraid, sad, or lonely? Today, I want to show you how to invite happiness into that place. I’m sharing my father’s lessons so you can find your own happiness handles as you swing on the jungle gym of life.

1. I tell you about the mentor in my life who taught me to find the happiness handles even in the bleakest circumstances.
2. We’ll discuss how shared stories of happiness can deepen the intimacy you feel.
3. And I’ll invite you to strengthen your own happiness muscles so you can find comfort even when you’re scared or struggling.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to practice happiness in a moment when you don’t feel all that happy.

Date Night Discussion

This week, talk with your partner about happiness handles.

• Talk about how you have provided happiness handles for each other.
• Or talk about a person who taught you to practice happiness.
• Or you could tell your partner about a person in your life that could benefit from your happiness practice.

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You want sparkling summer memories. What’s the key ingredient to a summer filled with lasting family memories?

Everyone needs to be having fun. Everyone. And that includes you.

Today, we’re talking about how to make your summer memorable. We’ll talk about inexpensive ways to have fun with your kids, and why YOUR happiness is very important when it comes to establishing family traditions.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

Some of my best summer memories were in the car. We played The Favorites Game.

This game is super simple. Someone names a category, then everyone in the car talks about their favorite. I love this game because you can learn some super idiosyncratic things about the people you love most.

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You were feeling fine—until you saw your friend's vacation photos. When you compare, you don’t just lose confidence—you lose connection, too.

We’ve all done it. We’ve all looked at social media and seen the vacation someone else is taking and we think, “I want her life. She’s got it figured out.” It's the easiest thing in the world to do. It’s also a joy-stealer and a resentment-builder.

Today, we're going to talk about a hard truth: Joy and pain are a package deal.

1. We'll talk about why comparing your life to someone else's–anyone else's–puts a giant roadblock in the way of the intimacy you feel with your sweetheart.
2. I'll help you see the five reasons why comparing leads to despairing, and we'll go step by step through five ways to help you remain in your own lane so you can stay sane
3. I'll offer you a habit to help you recognize and shift your response the next time you feel tempted to compare.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit is to first notice when you’re tempted to compare and despair, then, ask yourself enlightened and empowering questions instead.

Date Night Discussion

Sometimes, when I can’t seem to shake off my compare and despair attitudes, I’ll ask my husband or a friend to help me laugh. Laughter is the antidote to envy.

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Do you ever feel lonely in your romantic relationship? Like you're more roommates than lovers?

What's the impact of small bits of affection on your relationship? And what happens when the tenderness disappears?

Have you ever been afraid your partner doesn't love you anymore because the tender touches have disappeared? We'll discuss why this happens and what you can do to bring the tenderness back.

Today, we discuss how a tiny gesture of affection keeps the spark of your love alive.

1. You’ll learn what the 3 T’s of tenderness are and why, without them, you risk resentment and estrangement in your relationship
2. You’ll hear a story of a couple who used affection to reawaken the love between them
3. You’ll get a habit and a discussion prompt to help you embrace this tiny affection habit into your life

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is a 10-30 second I’m-tethered-to-you hug. For this habit to stick we need two things:

1. We need to find the time of day when it fits into your life and
2. I’ll give you a mantra which you can use verbatim or adjust for yourself. This mantra will help set the intention for your hug so you’re giving the energy to your partner (and receiving the energy) that fosters deeper and deeper intimacy.

Date Night Discussion

We’ve arrived at our date night discussion. This week I invite you to talk about 3 things related to the tethering hug:

1. Find the time of day that will work for you. Remember, consistency is the key.
2. Next, discuss the mantra or intention you want to flavor your hug. What kind of tether do you want your hug to create or reinforce?
3. Finally, I suggest you plan for failure. I know you have good intentions and want this hug to be a part of your lives. I also know life tends to intervene. When you plan what to do when the hug disappears, it’s easier to begin again.

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What does it feel like inside of you when your partner says a genuine “Thank you?”

Today, we discuss why it can be tricky and vulnerable to let the words, “Thank you,” settle all the way into your heart.

1. I’ll offer you a habit and a discussion prompt to help open your heart to truly receive the gratitude that is everywhere just waiting to land in your lap
2. And you’ll learn how appreciating yourself sets you up for greater intimacy with your partner

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to appreciate yourself. Tune into that internal voice that says you’re not enough, and flip the script. Notice how your day is reflective of your values.

Date Night Discussion

This week I invite you to appreciate yourself in front of your partner. Here are a couple of prompts:

• Appreciate the way you spent your day and how that aligns with your values.
• Notice your inner dialogue. Appreciate the changing way you’re talking to yourself.
• Appreciate something you’ve learned, practiced, chased after, and consequently, improved.

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Have you ever considered how a simple "thank you" could transform your relationship?

I've been watching people's relationships since my parents divorced when I was five years old. During those decades of observation, I’ve observed a handful of habits that work over and over. Today's episode focuses on one of those habits. It's all about the magic of thank you.

I'm bringing this episode back from the archives because it’s a habit that makes a difference every single time. With my private clients, when we focus on this habit of "thank you" for the month, their relationship always has a breakthrough.

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What would change in your relationship if you gave yourself permission to say YES to what you desire?

As you listen today, ask yourself, “What does my sweetheart NOT KNOW about me? What am I holding back because I’m afraid? If I allowed myself to simply say YES and give myself permission to ask my sweetheart for my truest desires, what would my sweetheart know about me that they don’t know today?”

Today we revisit an episode from my archives. This story illustrates what happens when we get into our partner’s business rather than staying in the center of our own agency.

Our own YES.

You'll hear the very first episode I wrote for this podcast. Listening now, I’m so proud of all the work I’ve done to help Heather and Sean—the characters in today’s episode—show up differently.

• In episode 30 we talked about the Clean Ask and why asking for EXACTLY what you want actually increases intimacy
• We also talked about how much fear can pollute your relationship in episode 28
• And, of course, I wrote a whole book: 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication by Rebecca S. Mullen

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When you "win" an argument, your relationship loses. We all do it. We all want to be "right" and we want to prove our partner "wrong."

I loved this discussion. It's filled with all the rotten things we're tempted to say to our partner, and why all those jabs get in the way of what we really want: intimacy and a feeling of safety.

Learn how to use nonviolent communication and protect your relationship.

Learn:

1. How to protect your relationship with a couple bubble
2. The difference between the violent communication you're tempted to use and the nonviolent words that connect you to your partner
3. Why an internal conversation with yourself sets you up to be kinder to your partner

I've invited Dawn Larson and James Buchanan of Take Flight Therapy to help identify key components to healthy communication. These steps will tame the war in your relationship so you can promote peace-filled conversations that create safety.

Connect with my guest

Visit the Take Flight Therapy website here.

Contact Dawn and James here.

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Reach me at 970-210-4480