Eat the Rich April is on pause for a moment. Old Man Stuff. Crisis upon us. For the time being, let's see what happens when hack writers from the 70s are given free reign in their own universe. Spoilers: they devolve to their natural state, cruel and mischievous. Or show themselves to be otherwise hopeless and nonsensical. Where in Sam Hill was the editor on this one?! Oh, right, he was the one with the cosmic treadmill in his desk...

Without natural features and only thin walls, the wizard holds back the horde. Dirty and poor, children stolen for parts, they hunger. Planning, probing, and slowly learning, the low must be brought high. The wizard, standing alone, awaits his heir, thinking it all part of his scheme.

"My friend, you suffer from the misplaced optimism of the doomed."

Most people, when they set up a chess board, do so with the intention of afterwards being able to play a game. Not these people. This movie sets up the X-Men franchise in the same way that Mister Magoo walks successfully through a burning building, never knowing they were almost killed. Here the board is merely a helpful suggestion and the chess pieces themselves easily replaced with play-doh versions of My Little Pony. All for the good, mind you. All for the greater good.

"Granted, it's probably not as intimidating as having a gun, or bone-claws, or the fingernails of a bag-lady..."