Hello and welcome to This Little Light of Mine, my name is James Powell and I'm so glad that you are able to join me for today's story episode entitled Complex Trauma.

I need to take a deep breath as I introduce today's episode. This was one of the hardest episodes that I've had to write in the last year. As I took the time to go back through my journals, read through the assignments that I completed while in rehab two years ago, and revisit my massive 'rehab binder' of worksheets, daily check-ins, assessments, and resources; I was hit with a wave of emotions. It was really hard to look back and see the space that I was in and to re-experience some of the thoughts and feelings that I was going through at that time of my life.

Rehab gave me a pause and permission to change the paradigm of how I was getting help. This paradigm shift helped to give me the opportunity to be deeply seen and deeply known, both by my therapists and by the other men in the house. This was a game-changer for me and helped me to see the many trauma responses that I've been living with and experiencing for most of my life.

When children don’t perceive safety from anyone in their world, they teach themselves that it is never safe to trust anyone. This approach creates a feeling of complete isolation, loneliness, disconnection, and can introduce and reinforce a feeling of being broken. This type of trauma is the birthplace of shame. This type of shame can overwhelm even the most resilient of children.

After decades of striving forward in the dark, I finally started to get an honest assessment of what I was dealing with so that I could start my healing journey. Rehab was not a final destination. It was a start.

James