In my first solo episode of The Radical Intimacy Podcast, I read the first Chapter of my upcoming book, Radical Intimacy: Cultivate the Deeply Connected Relationships You Desire and Deserve. In this first chapter, "More Than Sex," I share my perspective of intimacy by drawing two important distinctions: 1. That intimacy is much more complex and dimensional than just sex. Of course, sex is one part of intimacy, but there's more. 2. That our limited understanding of intimacy has the achievement of it dependent on someone or something outside of ourselves. In actuality, the nature of intimacy is vast and readily accessible to each and every one of us individually. I also talk about my own sexless ten year marriage in my 20s, and how that set me on a lifelong exploration and understanding of all kinds of intimacy on all levels. If you like what you hear in this episode, there are thirteen more chapters and a collection of exercises and practices which will help you create the deeply connected life you desire and deserve.

BUY THE BOOK HERE

Zoë Kors’ Links:

Zoë’s Website

The Radical Intimacy Podcast

Coral: Sexual Wellness App

Welcome to another episode of the Radical Intimacy podcast! Today we are joined by licensed psychotherapist, sexuality counselor, and best-selling author, Dr. Ian Kerner to talk about sex scripts. We find out what a sex script is, exactly, and how the structure of it makes room for spontaneity in the bedroom. Dr. Kerner shares his approach to encouraging couples to rewrite their sex scripts in therapy, and what his clients typically find challenging. We discuss the power of psychological arousal, open communication, and shared fantasy, as well as the important distinction between consensual and non-consensual objectification. Furthermore, Dr. Kerner shares his insight into the damaging repercussions of pornography, and the principal differences between mainstream and ethical porn. Tune in to find out how to rewrite your sex script!

Key Points From This Episode:

• What inspired Dr. Ian Kerner to write So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex and what the title signifies, in terms of his sex therapy approach.

• What a sex script is and why it’s important to structure your sex life.

• The power of psychological arousal.

• The benefits of sexual dialogue and shared fantasy.

• What it means to have safety in a sexual relationship.

• Face-to-face psychological arousal versus side-by-side experiences.

• The ethical erotica available to us!

• How people are yet to exercise and explore their erotic imagination.

• The difference between consensual objectification and non-consensual objectification.

• The damaging repercussions of pornography.

• The difference between mainstream porn and ethical porn.

• Sex as a resource for positivity in a relationship.

• The importance of communication with yourself and your partner.


Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Dr. Ian Kerner

Dr. Ian Kerner on Twitter

She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex Our Love Lives

Ian Kerner TED Talk


Zoë Kors’ Links:

Zoë’s Website

Zoë’s Book: Radical Intimacy

The Radical Intimacy Podcast

Coral: Sexual Wellness App

There are plenty of misconceptions out there about what constitutes a sexual transgression, but the truth is that your experience doesn’t need to be violent for it to be a violation. The term sexual trauma is deliberately broad and all-encompassing and includes any non-consensual act. Yet, for many survivors, it takes them years before they can recognize that their experiences were a violation. Today on the show, we get together with Dr. Holly Richmond to help us take a closer look at sexual trauma and unpack how our minds and bodies react to these experiences. Holly is a somatic psychotherapist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, as well as a certified sex therapist. She is also the author of Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life. In our conversation with Holly, we discuss her work as a therapist, why so many of her patients have taken years to recognize and seek help for their trauma, and the reasons behind why so much of sexual trauma is tied up with feelings of shame and low self-worth. We also dive into the dissonance between our mind and body after experiencing sexual trauma, and how survivors can begin to move from a state of surviving to thriving. Today’s conversation is both hugely informative and deeply empathic. It sheds valuable light on the experiences of so many individuals and ultimately shares an empowering message of self-actualization, sex positivity, and pleasure!

Key Points From This Episode:

● The definition of sexual trauma and the importance of having an all-encompassing term.

● Why sexual trauma isn’t necessarily violent, but always non-consensual and violating.

● The role that shame and low self-worth play in repeated instances of sexual trauma.

● Why it takes many survivors years before they recognize and seek help for sexual trauma.

● The dissonance between mind and body after a traumatic event.

● How society has conditioned us to ignore our trauma in order to stay productive.

● Some of the initial steps that survivors can take in addressing their trauma.

● The four types of trauma response: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

● A definition of the lesser-known response fawn, and why it’s described as 'freeze with a smile on your face'.

● The distinction between surviving and thriving, and the role that pleasure plays in thriving.

● The role of eroticism and sexual fantasy and how that can be nourishing and healthy.

● How Holly’s book addresses issues around sexual fantasy, trauma, and integration.

● Holly’s advice on how to find a sex-positive therapist.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Dr. Holly Richmond

Holly Richmond on LinkedIn

Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life

The American Association of Sexuality, Educators, Counselors, and Therapists

Zoë Kors’ Links:

Zoë’s Website

Zoë’s Book: Radical Intimacy

The Radical Intimacy Podcast

Coral: Sexual Wellness App