Happy New Year! (Sorry for the audio). 200 Cigarettes is a movie made in the late 90s about the early 80s and it doesn't even really feel like the 80s. Maybe that's Stranger Things poisoning our mind about the 80s, but this movie is just a slog of a film. It was the original Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, or New Year's Eve. It is a big ensemble cast that vaguely bumps into each other. Except for this time, almost none of them are likable and they all have the same horny problems.

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Red One says, get that holiday spirit out of here! It's time for a militarized Santa! The Santa exists, and he’s American, and he's also jacked as hell. I wanna know what kind of cookies he's eating to get a bod like that. The Rock, Chris Evans and JK Simmons star in a very expensive movie about Santa Claus and what happens when he's kidnapped. The Rock, a Santa Secret Service member, has to work with Chris Evans, who has been on the naughty list forever, to rescue our favorite little Saint Nick. They have almost no chemistry.

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Apologies about the audio quality, Mi Amor! Santa Mi Amor is about dating a guy who can pull off the look of a hot Santa. Things get tricky, though, when you have lied to your daughter for years about being Santa's daughter. It gets even trickier when that hot Santa wants to get serious, but you're afraid he'll break your daughter's heart! Anyway, this movie is charming and Christmasy and maybe a little silly, but we had a good time talking about it.

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It's not a Christmas wedding if you don't have a Christmas Wedding Planner! And it's not a real holiday movie watch unless you take time to view a Hallmark-eseque Christmas movie about two people who shouldn't be in love who some how find a way to be in love thanks to the power of Christmas! Also this movie has a fun mystery side plot that makes the cheesiness a little more palatable.

Ho ho ho! We're here to bring you a rare export: a genuinely good Christmas movie! Rare Exports is a Finnish movie about a young boy and his father who stumble upon a wild project to excavate Santa from a mountain. It's a wild as it seems. It's dark and funny but retains a bit of that Christmas spirit. Also, a surprising amount of old man bits. Thank goodness this is an audio podcast.

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Happy Hanksgiving, everyone! Like a true podcast family, we invited Thomas from Almost Plausible back to talk about a Tom Hanks film that, basically, no one has seen! What? Does the plot of an American soldier who falls in love with a Jewish woman in Mandatory Palestine not appeal to you?? This is one of Hank's earlier roles coming fresh off of Splash! We learned many things, mostly why this movie has so much Spanish and that dating someone during a world war can be challenging, to say the least.

Check out Thomas' podcast Almost Plausible for hilarious movie scripts based on real-life objects!

Finally, the long-awaited reboot of The Crow is here! Can the guy who played Pennywise live up to Brandon Lee's iconic role? The trailers didn't look promising, as they seemed to have swapped out fun goth for emo goth, but maybe that could work! Perhaps the new focus on The Crow's actual love interest, played by FKA twigs, would give a much-needed perspective shift in what is usually a gross and gory murder fest. Smear that tattoo ink below your eyes, put on your headphones, and find out if this movie actually deserved to become a box office bomb.

Did you know two horror movies with the same premise and name were released two years apart? That's right, Speak No Evil, whose trailer has greeted movie theaters for most of 2024, was based on a Danish film of the same name. We had to know what changes were made between the two, so naturally, we watched two halves of the movie each! So, we know the whole story regardless of whether it was intended for a European or American audience. This is easily our longest podcast yet, but you get the plot of two movies for the price of one podcast! What a deal.

Honestly, we had a fantastic time recording this, and maybe we'll do it again in the future. I hope you enjoy it, listener!

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