We are often good talkers, but poor listeners. We have many things we want to say, share, expound and elaborate on. For this we need someone to be talking it all in. We like it when people do that for us. It soothes our ego, heightens our sense of self-worth and importance. We are sometimes not so generous ourselves though when listening to others. Here are six nightmare listeners you might run into. By the way, do any of these stereotypes sound a bit too familiar to you?

The “preoccupieds” are those breathless types, racing around, multi-tasking on steroids, permanently distracted. They don’t make much eye contact because their eyes are constantly scanning for things other than you in front of them. When we meet this reaction we need to grab their brain. We can say, “Is this a good time to talk?” or “I need your undivided attention for just a moment”. Once we do get their attention, we have to get to the point, because their attention span is fleeting.

The “out-to-lunchers” have the lights on (their eyes are open) but no one is at home. They are thinking about everything else but what you are saying to them. It is a good practice to check in with them to make sure they have absorbed the key points you are sharing. You can ask them a very pointed question about one element to determine if they actually heard you. Closed questions are good because an answer has to be yes or no, they can’t fudge it or fake it easily.

The “interrupters” are ending your sentences for you, jumping in all over you while you are speaking, they are fixated with their important contribution and not much interested in yours. You cannot stop them, so don’t resist. Let them blurt out whatever it is they cannot contain and then interject, “Thanks for that. As I was saying…” And pick up where you were, as if they had not spoken at all.

The “whatevers” are giving off that jaded, bored impression that what you are saying is of little interest or consequence. To grab their attention you have to lift your energy and spice up the content, make it more dramatic. Also, ask them specific questions that will draw them into the topic. Use open questions where they have to use actual sentences rather than monosyllabic responses.

The “combatives” are people with a strong sense of their rights and they are very interested in demanding they be heard and defending those rights. They are quick to call out perceived affronts to their dignity and will readily argue every point. Look for points of agreement and concentrate talking about those or ask to agree to disagree.

The “analysts” are logical thinking, very detailed orientated and are always in fix-it mode. They love handing out advice regardless of whether it was requested or not. You can go around idea generation from them by saying “I just need to bring you up to speed, so you know what is happening. I’m not looking for advice”

By contrast what would a good listener look like? The “engagers” are empathetic listeners who really concentrate on what you are saying. They employ eyes, ears, hearts and minds to absorb your messages. They understand that they already know what they know and can learn a lot more from finding out what you know as well. They let you talk. They make you feel good, because they are obviously following along with you and taking an interest.

When they are your boss, they let you talk and give you the opportunity to self-discover solutions and ideas. “We own the world we help to create” and bosses who listen and give their people the opportunity to speak, to suggest, to innovate are going to have a highly engaged team. That is the team that is going to win against the vast majority of teams who just show up to get paid. So the ROI (Return On Investment) from listening can be huge. Were you listening?

Selling to companies in Japan usually means sitting in a meeting room with a single buyer or perhaps two people. There are occasions though where we may need to present to a larger number of buyers in a more formal setting. It may be a pitch to secure the business, or it may be a means of getting the buying team more easily coordinated on their side.

Before we know how to present to a team, we have to analyse the people in the team. That means we need to know ahead of time, who will be in the room from their side. A team comprises multiple layers of responsibility. We might have some functional interests represented such as the Executive Buyer, Financial Buyer, User Buyer, Technical Buyer and Our Champion. Each one has a different driver for making buying decisions.

The Executive Buyer will have a strategic vision for the organization so they are interested in opportunities and growth. We need to include the big picture here of what our solution will do to position the company into the future, as well as today.

The Financial Buyer is always interested in cash flow, no matter the size of the organisation. They focus on the cost, the terms of the transaction and how much flexibility it can provide for them.

The User Buyer wants to know about the features, how easy is the solution to use, how reliable will it be?

The Technical Buyer is concerned about efficiency, practicality and capacity. Usually we are in that room because of our Champion. They are concerned about their relationships within the company, with having influence over the buying situation and gaining recognition for their efforts.

Just to make it more complicated, there are also the buyer personality styles to contend with.

The Amiable who is focused on relationships and is never in a hurry to make a decision.

The Driver is the exact opposite. They are dynamic, fast movers who just want the facts so they can make a decision and move on.

The Analtyicals want data and lots of it. Three decimal places is fine for them.

The Expressives are bored with the nitty gritty detail, preferring the big picture.

It is possible to focus on just one group but not very wise. The presentation should have a little something for everyone.

There are also going to be attitudinal differences. Some will Hostile, Resistant, Discontent, Ambivalent, Favourable, Supportive and Enthusiastic. We need to get our body language meter on full throttle to read the audience and we need our Champion to give us the who’s who of who is in the room, so we can anticipate where we might hit trouble.

There are different levels of expertise in a team. There will be varying levels of Experiences, Education, Biases, Problem/Positive issues, Goals, Expertise and Culture. Before we present we need to know who is going to be in the meeting and try to understand what will be driving their reaction to what we are going to say.

We may not know this completely beforehand but we will certainly start locating people into different sectors once we get into the meeting room.

We need a presenting structure which will be well regarded by the majority of people in the room. We need an opening to grab attention, a statement of need for change, an example of the need for change and to suggest three possible solutions.

For solution one, we outline the advantages and disadvantages. We repeat this balanced formula for solutions two and three. We then suggest the best solution of the three, with evidence as to why it is best. In our closing remarks we repeat the final recommendation.

Selling to a buying group is fraught with difficulty, because of the massive variations in the room, as to perspectives, needs and interest. Nevertheless we can use this structure to cover off as many of the needs in the room as possible.

We rely on our champion to brief us on who is in the room beforehand and to go around drumming up support following our presentation. We win or lose though the quality of our preparation and our structure.

If they are both in good working order, then the chances of winning the business go up dramatically. We won’t get so many chances to present to a buying group but we need to be well prepared when we do.

We often hear about the need for bosses to do more to engage with their teams. The boss looks at their schedule and then just checks out of that idea right then and there because it seems impossible. The employees for their part, want to get more praise and recognition from the boss, to feel valuable and valued. Bosses are often Driver type personalities who are extremely outcome and task orientated. People are there to produce, to get the numbers, to complete projects and to do it with a minimum of boss maintenance needed to be invested.

The snag in all of this though is employees don’t want that. They want the boss to be more interested in them, their career and their family. The feeling of being valued by the boss has been found to be an important trigger to create strong engagement in staff. Driver bosses rarely pull that trigger. They believe you need to “harden up baby”, do it yourself “like I did”. They wonder why we need to mollycoddle this lot.

In fact they don’t know how to snuggle up to staff and get to know them, because they never experienced that from their own bosses, and they are not built that way. They grew up independent and self-reliant. They are driven to achieve and have a take no prisoners approach to business. They are survival of the fittest advocates. Consequently, they are not much for small talk. They are permanently time pressed, so everything has to be driving toward an outcome, or it is a waste of their valuable time.

How do you snuggle up to employees anyway? Bosses need to engage with their staff by using the “innerview” to deepen their understanding of who the person is who works for them, what are their motivations and interests. The sceptics may be thinking “brilliant”. Now they can interrogate their staff, find and start pressing their hot buttons, to get more production out of them having found some keys to staff motivation. This is not what we are talking about. Staff can spot this very quickly. They won’t be interested in being manipulated by their bosses for higher productivity gains.

The effort is to get to know the team better, so that as the boss you can help them to succeed in their work by aligning their goals, interests and motivations with those of the organization. The classic win/win.

Getting to know staff starts with asking basic factual questions. Where did they grow up, where did they go to school, what did they major in. Where have they worked in the past, what are their hobbies, how many in their family etc.

To go deeper we need to ask causative questions. The “why” of their choices. Why did they pick that field of study, why that school, why this company, why that hobby, etc.

Then we get to values-based questions. Getting to know how they tick. If you had your life over again would you do things differently and if so , what would you do? What were some turning points in your life? What have been some of the work and non-work related things you have done that have made you feel proud? If you were giving advice to a person entering the workforce what would that be?

These questions have to be asked in a relaxed manner, not spewed out like machine gun fire. This is getting to know someone better in order to better be able to appreciate them as a person. It is not a drill in shaking them down for private information, which can be used later to exploit them.

Conversations like this, done correctly, invite massive mutual understanding. The end result is better communication and shared values. A uniting of mutual interests toward achieving goals together. So all of you driver bosses out there, this is how to get cuddly with the team.

First sort out your objective and make sure it is reflecting the real interests of the staff. Drop that manipulation thing. Then make the time available to have a deep one on one conversation with another human being who also exists on this planet just like you. Believe me, good things will flow from this.