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  • You’re Always the Problem: The Impossible Reality of Life with a Covert Narcissist
    2025/07/20

    With a covert narcissist, the outcome is always the same: you’re the problem. No matter how gently you speak, how carefully you tread, or how hard you try—somehow, it always comes back to you. That’s not bad communication. That’s emotional abuse wrapped in manipulation, guilt, and gaslighting.

    In this episode, we walk through a choose-your-own-adventure version of life with a covert narcissist—where every decision leads to blame, confusion, or emotional fallout. Whether it’s handling a parenting issue, grabbing lunch with a friend, or simply protecting your child’s mental health, you’re forced into impossible choices with no right answers.

    You’ll hear:

    • Why life with a covert narcissist feels like a rigged game

    • The emotional toll of always being the villain in their story

    • The healthy option you never get—and why that’s the deepest grief

    • How to begin choosing yourself even when every road feels unsafe

    If you’ve been stuck in a cycle of trying harder, only to end up blamed again—you need this episode. It’s not you. It was never you. And it’s time to stop carrying the weight of someone else’s dysfunction.

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    24 分
  • Shame vs Self: The Invisible Wound Behind Narcissistic Traits, guest Dr. Anthony Mazzella
    2025/07/17

    Part one of a 4 part series on Guilt and Shame with guest, Dr. Anthony Mazzella, Psychotherapist & Host of The Narcissism Decoder Podcast

    What if the root of so much emotional pain, self-sabotage, and confusion isn’t who you are—but what you've carried?

    In this powerful first episode of a two-part series, Renee is joined by Dr. Anthony Mazzella to explore how shame, not arrogance or ego, often sits at the center of narcissistic traits—both in ourselves and in the people who have hurt us.

    Together, they unpack:

    • What shame really is—and how it’s different from guilt

    • How shame starts in early childhood through misattunement, rejection, or humiliation

    • The invisible ways shame shapes identity, emotions, and behavior

    • How narcissistic defenses like projection, withdrawal, and perfectionism are fueled by shame

    • Why people-pleasing is often a mask for hidden shame

    • How religious, cultural, or family systems can unknowingly create shame-based beliefs

    Shame isn’t just an emotion—it becomes a lens through which we see ourselves and the world. It’s not something we feel—it’s something we become. And unless we learn how to name it, it quietly dictates how we love, hide, lash out, or shut down.

    Whether you’ve lived with a covert narcissist or find yourself stuck in patterns you don’t fully understand, this episode will help you name the invisible wound behind it all—and take the first step toward healing.

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    35 分
  • Leaving Doesn’t Start with a Go Bag: Why Leaving a Covert Narcissist Takes Time
    2025/07/14

    Leaving a covert narcissist isn’t a single event—it’s a process.
    In this episode, we break down the myth of the dramatic midnight escape and explore the emotional, psychological, and logistical realities that make leaving so complex.

    If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I leave sooner?” or been judged by others for how long it’s taken to get out, this conversation is for you. We’ll talk about the mental rewiring survivors must do, the fear of not being believed, the self-doubt that comes from years of gaslighting, and the real-life obstacles—like finances, kids, and safety—that make a clean break nearly impossible.

    This episode is a reminder: leaving doesn’t start with a suitcase—it starts with truth. And every quiet step you take toward reclaiming your mind, your freedom, and your self-worth… counts.

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    22 分
  • The Covert Narcissist is Just Enough: Why You Stayed So Long
    2025/07/11

    Why do so many people stay in relationships with covert narcissists for years—sometimes decades?

    This episode is a raw, honest, and deeply validating exploration of the emotional tug-of-war that keeps survivors stuck in toxic dynamics. I open up about my own 20+ year marriage to a covert narcissist—why I stayed, why I didn’t see it sooner, and why that doesn’t mean there was something wrong with me.

    Because covert narcissists are masters at being “just enough.”

    Just enough good to make you stay. Just enough bad to make you question everything. Just enough charm to keep others fooled. Just enough cruelty to break you behind closed doors. Their entire strategy is built on almosts—on the hope that maybe, just maybe, this time it will be different.

    If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I leave?” or “Why didn’t I see it sooner?”—this episode is for you.

    You are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not weak. You were trauma bonded to someone who knew exactly how to keep you stuck.

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    20 分
  • Keeping the Peace... at What Cost? How Covert Narcissists Make Everyone Pay for Their Unhappiness
    2025/07/06

    When you're in a relationship with a covert narcissist, peace is often a performance—maintained at the expense of your own emotional well-being. This episode of The Covert Narcissism Podcast explores how covert narcissists condition those around them to bend, sacrifice, and stay silent just to avoid upsetting them.

    From partners who tell their kids “just do what your dad wants” to adult children asked to adjust their lives to keep the narcissistic parent happy, this episode exposes the high cost of maintaining “peace” in a toxic dynamic.

    We’ll dive into real-life examples of how covert narcissists weaponize their moods to manipulate and control, how families get pulled into the dance of appeasement, and how to begin breaking this generational cycle.

    If you’ve ever felt responsible for someone else’s happiness—or guilty for standing your ground—this episode is for you.

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    21 分
  • Rent Free in My Head: How Covert Narcissists Keep Controlling You After You Leave
    2025/07/04

    You left. You blocked them. You did everything you were “supposed” to do to break free from the covert narcissist in your life.
    But somehow… they’re still there.
    In your thoughts.
    In your inner dialogue.
    In the way you second-guess yourself when no one’s even around.

    In this episode, we explore why covert narcissists continue to live “rent free” in your head long after the relationship ends — and how emotional abuse rewires your brain, leaving behind patterns of self-doubt, hypervigilance, and internalized gaslighting.

    You’ll learn:

    • Why “leaving” doesn’t always mean freedom

    • How trauma bonds keep you psychologically hooked

    • What it looks like when their voice becomes your inner critic

    • How to begin reclaiming your mental space and evict the intruder for good

    • What to do if you're still in the relationship but want to begin your mental and emotional freedom now

    Whether you’ve left or are still trying to plan your exit, this episode offers practical steps and deep validation for anyone struggling to find peace after covert narcissistic abuse.

    And in honor of Independence Day, we talk about what real freedom looks like — the kind you fight for inside your own mind.

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    23 分
  • Implode or Explode: How Covert Narcissists React When You Call Them Out
    2025/06/29

    What happens when you finally speak the truth to a covert narcissist? Whether you’re pointing out a small forgotten chore or confronting them about a huge betrayal, the emotional fallout can feel overwhelming and confusing.

    In this episode, we’re diving deep into the two most common narcissistic reactions to being called out: the emotional implosion of shame and the defensive explosion of blame.

    Learn why narcissists either spiral into shame-filled self-pity or launch into rage and blame-shifting—and why both reactions are designed to avoid accountability.

    We’ll explore:

    • The difference between a narcissistic implosion vs. explosion

    • Real-life examples of how each reaction looks and feels

    • Why these reactions derail the original conversation

    • How to protect your peace when you’re caught in this emotional storm

    If you’ve ever found yourself comforting the person who hurt you… or defending yourself against an emotional attack after calling out their behavior… this episode is for you.

    Narcissist reaction to being called out, narcissistic collapse, narcissistic rage, covert narcissism, emotional abuse, narcissistic defense mechanisms, how narcissists react to confrontation, narcissistic accountability avoidance

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    22 分
  • Is This Really Healing… or Just Behavior Management? The Dry Drunk Parallel in Covert Narcissistic Abuse
    2025/06/26

    When the yelling stops, the lies fade, and the manipulative games come to a halt… does it mean they are getting better?

    In this episode, we explore the confusing and disorienting experience of living with someone who has changed their behaviors, but hasn’t done the real emotional work underneath.

    Drawing a parallel with the concept of a "dry drunk," we’ll unpack why behavior management without inner healing leaves survivors of covert narcissistic abuse still feeling unsafe, unseen, and emotionally alone.

    We’ll dive into:

    • What a “dry drunk” actually is

    • The emotional wounds that fuel both addiction and narcissistic behaviors

    • Why things sometimes feel worse after the behavior stops

    • The difference between true healing and surface-level change

    • How to trust your gut when something still feels off

    If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I should be happy… but I’m not”—this episode is for you.

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    21 分