Key Points

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Michael Brasher, a passionate men's work facilitator and community organizer. Michael’s journey began while working at a domestic violence shelter, where his exposure to a men’s education program transformed his understanding of masculinity and violence. Since then, he has devoted his life to violence prevention and creating spaces for men to heal, grow, and reconnect with their emotional lives. Michael shares insights from years of running men’s groups, talking circles, and rites of passage experiences for men and boys. We explore the challenges of engaging men in vulnerability, the harmful impacts of traditional masculine norms, and the importance of bridging personal healing with community action. Michael’s work is grounded in compassion, connection, and a vision of masculinity rooted in care and accountability.

Michael's background and passion for men's work

Michael shares his personal story of how working at a domestic violence shelter and going through a men's education program changed his life and set him on a path to devote himself to violence prevention and community organizing to help men understand and heal from the violence they've been incentivized into.

Challenges of engaging men in this work

Michael discusses how men are often resistant to this type of work, but explains that if the right space and conversation is created, men will open up and be vulnerable. He shares examples of successfully facilitating men's groups and workshops, even with populations like fraternities that are often seen as resistant.

The socialization of masculinity and its impacts

Michael and Cam explore how traditional masculine norms and expectations are deeply harmful, leading men to disconnect from their emotions and pain. They discuss how this socialization perpetuates cycles of violence and trauma that get passed down generationally.

Creating spaces for men to heal and grow

Michael describes the importance of creating spaces for men to be vulnerable, share their pain, and reimagine healthier versions of masculinity. He shares examples of programs he's run, like weekly talking circles and wilderness rites of passage trips for boys and men.

Bridging individual healing and community action

Cam and Michael discuss the need to move beyond just individual healing work and into collective action and community organizing to dismantle the systemic issues underlying toxic masculinity. They explore ideas like volunteering at community centers, leading group trips, and building intergenerational relationships.

Overcoming resistance and criticism

They acknowledge the challenges of facing criticism and resistance, especially around perceptions of men working with boys. They emphasize the importance of being grounded in one's community and values, and not letting fear of judgment prevent doing important work.

Michael's ongoing programs and resources

Michael shares information about his ongoing work, including his social media presence, monthly men's talking circles, and upcoming book club discussions - all aimed at providing spaces for men to heal, grow, and build healthier relationships.

Relevant links:

Website: https://www.lifeunboundcoaching.com/

Instagram: @lifeunboundcoaching

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Elle Thielke. Elle is a Melbourne-based sexologist and former sex worker with a passion for men’s health and wellbeing. Drawing on her lived experience in the industry, Elle brings a unique and deeply informed perspective to conversations around masculinity, porn, and authentic sexual expression. Together, we explore the barriers that prevent men from being open about their desires, the impact of shame and gendered socialisation, and how to reframe common narratives around porn “addiction.” Elle also shares insights on ethical and embodied porn consumption, the importance of media literacy, and the urgent need for comprehensive, sex-positive education that reflects real-world experiences.Key Points:

Introductions and backgrounds

Elle Thielke introduces herself as a sexologist from Melbourne with a background as a former worker. She is passionate about men's health and wellbeing, and has gained deep insights from her experiences working in the industry. Cam Fraser shares his own personal journey and interest in masculinity and function, noting the lack of support many men feel comfortable seeking.

Barriers to authenticity for men

Elle and Cam discuss the significant barriers men face in being authentic about their , stemming from societal expectations and stigma around masculinity and expression. They explore how gendered socialization, shame, and rigid notions of what it means to be a "real man" create major obstacles for men to explore and understand their .

Practical tips for ethical, embodied consumption

Cam shares his approach of encouraging clients to engage with in a more intentional, embodied way - maximizing the content, minimizing distractions, and tuning into physical sensations. Elle reinforces the importance of media literacy and understanding the production realities behind pornographic content.

Reframing " addiction" and compulsive behaviors

Elle and Cam unpack the complex and often misunderstood concepts of " addiction" and compulsive behaviors. They highlight how the language and framing around these issues can be problematic, and emphasize the need for a more nuanced, individualized understanding of people's relationships with and .

The need for comprehensive education

Elle emphasizes the critical need for comprehensive, -positive education that is developed and delivered by those with direct experience and expertise in . She highlights how current approaches often fail to address the nuanced messages and implications of media and , leaving many people with unrealistic or unhealthy understandings.

Relevant Links

Website: www.elletsexology.com

Instagram: @inthenaughtycorner

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Dr. Giselle Woodley. Giselle is a recent PhD graduate and researcher whose work focuses on young people’s perspectives on relationships, sex education, and online harms such as image-based abuse and sextortion. Her research centers youth voices and aims to develop youth-led strategies for navigating digital sexuality and relationships. In our conversation, Giselle shares the nuanced and often-overlooked views that teens hold about pornography, including their desire for ethical, educational content and their frustration with risk-heavy, adult-led education. We also explore the implications of censorship, the importance of listening to young people, and how we can reimagine sex ed to be more inclusive, practical, and pleasure-focused.Key Points:

Giselle's background and research focus

Giselle introduced herself as Dr. Giselle Woodley, a recent PhD graduate who has been researching teens' perspectives on relationships, education, and online harms like image-based abuse and sextortion. Her work aims to center youth voices and develop youth-led strategies in these areas.

Teens' nuanced views on

Giselle found that teens have diverse and nuanced views on , rather than simply seeing it as all good or all bad. Many felt adults exaggerate the harms of , while acknowledging potential risks. Teens valued for providing information and education about and relationships that they couldn't get elsewhere.

Challenges of adult-led ed

Teens expressed frustration with the risk-focused, adult-led approach to education, feeling it didn't adequately prepare them for real-world and relationship experiences. They wanted more positive, comprehensive, and skills-based education, including information they could only find in .

Teens' desire for ethical

Many teens were interested in finding ethical, educational, and relationship-positive pornographic content, but faced barriers like not having access to payment methods or feeling unsure of where to find such content online. They saw a need for more resources in this area.

Concerns about censorship and regulation

Teens were skeptical of censorship and age verification measures, feeling they would just drive them to use more unregulated online platforms. They saw these approaches as ineffective and potentially making prohibited content more alluring.

Recap and future collaboration

Giselle and Cam discussed opportunities for further collaboration, including potentially connecting Cam with other researchers in this space like Siobhan Healy Cullen. They agreed the conversation was valuable and looked forward to continuing the dialogue.

Relevant link:

Giselle Woodley - https://www.ecu.edu.au/schools/arts-and-humanities/staff/profiles/communication-and-culture/ms-giselle-woodley

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Introductions and background

Marc Zen introduces himself as a PhD candidate at Curtin University researching explicit media literacy education, particularly focusing on parent perspectives. He discusses his personal experiences with education growing up and how that motivated his research interests.

Defining "explicit media literacy"

Marc explains why he uses the broader term "explicit media literacy" rather than just focusing on . He notes that parents were more concerned about the influence of media on their children's future relationships than just the content of itself.

Parent perspectives on media influence

The parents Marc interviewed expressed a range of views, but were generally most concerned about how the media their children consume could negatively impact their future relationships and ability to have healthy, respectful intimacy. Some saw potential benefits in using media to start conversations.

Initiating conversations with children

Many parents struggled with how to initiate conversations with their children about and relationships, often resorting to awkward tactics like having the conversation in the car. Marc and Cam discuss strategies for parents to create a safe, open environment for these discussions.

Differences in parent and gender perspectives

Marc observed differences in how mothers and fathers approached the topic, with fathers more likely to discuss directly and share their own experiences, while mothers were more concerned about media messages promoting unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Framing education in schools

Marc discusses the debate around taking a "critical" approach versus a more "neutral" approach to teaching explicit media literacy in schools. He believes the neutral approach focused on building practical skills is more effective, though the critical approach is better than nothing.

Concluding thoughts

Marc emphasizes the importance of reframing adolescence as a time of opportunity to build valuable life skills, rather than just a period of risk and vulnerability. He advocates for evidence-based, shame-free education that provides young people with practical tools.

Relevant linksWebsite: www.marczen.com.au.

Instagram: marc_zen_

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Introduction to Brian Sloan and Autoblow

Brian Sloan introduces himself as the creator of the Autoblow brand of male pleasure products. He discusses how he got into this industry, starting with selling latex fetishwear and then realizing there was a need for better male toys. He has been working on developing the Autoblow and VacuGlide products for over 16 years.

Passion for Male Pleasure

Brian explains that his initial interest in this industry was more of a business decision, but over time he developed a genuine passion for helping men find pleasure and addressing the imbalance in the pleasure products industry being more focused on women. He believes men have different needs and desires that were not being met.

Autoblow and VacuGlide Product Details

Brian provides an overview of the Autoblow AI Ultra and VacuGlide products, including how they work, their key features, and the different use cases and target customers for each product. He discusses how the VacuGlide in particular caters to men who may have difficulty achieving or maintaining erections.

Online Communities and Customer Feedback

Brian discusses the online communities that have formed around the Autoblow products, including an active subreddit where customers provide feedback and suggestions. He explains how this feedback has been valuable in improving the products over time.

Concerns About AI-Powered Toys

Brian shares his personal concerns about the potential risks of AI-powered toys, particularly the VR integration, and how the immersive experience could become addictive for some users. He believes there needs to be more awareness and education around the potential downsides of this technology.

Balancing Risks and Benefits of Tech

Cam and Brian have a thoughtful discussion about balancing the potential benefits of tech, like helping disabled users or providing educational/training tools, with the risks of addiction or unhealthy reliance. They explore ideas around data privacy, transparency, and empowering users to make informed choices.

Closing Thoughts

Brian acknowledges the validity of Cam's concerns about the potential risks of AI-powered toys, and says the industry needs to recognize and address these issues, even if they don't change their core business practices. Cam expresses excitement to see if and how the industry evolves in response to these emerging challenges.

Relevant Links:

Brian's Website: https://www.vieci.com/

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Introductions and Zari's background

Zari introduces himself as an artist, illustrator, and traveler who is currently exploring the topic of authentic connection and pleasure. He shares his passion for travel, authentic connections, and finding new ways to cultivate presence and embodied experiences.

Challenges with modern connection and performance

Zari discusses the issues he sees with modern connection and intimacy, including the pressure to perform, the influence of social media and media portrayals, and the tendency to get caught up in playing roles rather than being authentic. He emphasizes the importance of slowing down, being curious, and focusing on the embodied experience rather than external expectations.

Unpacking body image and performance anxiety

Cam shares his observations about the body image and performance anxiety issues he sees in many of the men he works with, including comparing themselves to idealized male physiques on social media and in media, as well as anxiety around size and performance. They discuss how these pressures and scripts can lead men to develop unhealthy habits and get stuck in their heads during intimate experiences.

Suggestions for more playful, embodied intimacy

Zari and Cam discuss practical ways to create more playful, embodied, and pressure-free intimate experiences, such as sensual touch and exploration games, writing down fantasies, and being creative and spontaneous in the moment when things don't go as planned. They emphasize the importance of communication, vulnerability, and a willingness to experiment and learn together.

Zari's upcoming book "Play With Me"

Zari shares details about his upcoming book "Play With Me", which will be a visually-rich, illustrated guide to intimate games and practices. He discusses his goal of creating a movement and community around this work, and invites Cam to support the Kickstarter campaign launching next week.

Relevant Links:

Zari's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zari.plays/

Zari's Twitter: https://x.com/ZariPlays

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Defining love and its many facets

Triss and Cam discuss the concept of love, its various meanings and expressions, and how it can be experienced on emotional, physical, and spiritual levels. They explore the limitations of language in capturing the full essence of love, and the importance of acknowledging the diversity of love's manifestations.

Navigating masculinity and gender norms

Cam shares his personal experiences and reflections on the societal narratives and prescriptive ideas around masculinity, and how they can create barriers for men to engage in self-love, intimacy, and vulnerability. They discuss the polarizing rhetoric from some masculinity influencers and the need to move beyond rigid definitions of what it means to be a "real man."

Embodying love and connection

Triss explains his approach to facilitating workshops and retreats focused on cultivating self-love, interpersonal connection, and a deeper understanding of one's authentic self, beyond societal labels and expectations. He emphasizes the importance of engaging the whole being - mind, body, emotions, and spirit - in this transformative process.

Navigating uncertainty and the liminal space

Cam shares his personal experience of feeling caught in a liminal space, where he doesn't fully identify with traditional labels like "heterosexual" or "queer," and the challenges and fears that can arise from this ambiguity. Triss offers insights on embracing the unknown, integrating shadows, and finding freedom in the space beyond rigid definitions.

Closing thoughts and next steps

Triss shares his passion for working with men who are on the cusp of deeper self-discovery and a more expansive understanding of love, connection, and purpose. He invites Cam and the listeners to explore the resources and opportunities available to continue this important exploration and personal growth.

Relevant links:

Triss' website: https://trisstashi.com/

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Mish's Background and Book Overview

- 60-something prostate cancer survivor, now 5 years cancer-free

- Moved from South Africa to Canada, shifted focus from cancer to broader men's health

- Book "Beyond Erections" (originally titled "Softcock ") fills gap in resources on enjoying without erections

- Draws from personal experience, prostate cancer support group, and interviews with diverse individuals/couples

Mental and Emotional Aspects

- Acknowledging loss and grief around erectile changes is important

- Reframing expectations and embracing body changes takes time

- Withdrawal is common but not a good long-term strategy

- Challenging cultural myths about "fixing" everything medically

Physical Exploration and Pleasure

- Shifting focus from just genitals to whole-body pleasure

- Slowing down, using light touch, exploring non-genital erogenous zones

- Developing interoception (awareness of internal body sensations)

- Adapting to changes in arousal patterns and redefining "finishing"

Energy and Connection Beyond Physical

- Cultivating awareness of subtle energy exchanges between partners

- Visualizing energy circuits in the body during intimate touch

- Allowing pleasure to spread and "store" throughout the body

- Developing practices to circulate energy solo or with a partner

Communication and Presence

- Importance of clear, ongoing communication about desires and boundaries

- Developing presence to notice subtle shifts in arousal/energy

- Being comfortable with different needs/desires between partners

- Taking responsibility for one's own pleasure while respecting partner's wishes

Next Steps

- Readers can purchase "Beyond Erections" on Amazon or through beyonderections.com

- Cam to potentially visit Passion Fruit shop in Melbourne to support local retailer

- Mish and Cam open to future podcast conversations on related topics

Relevant Links:

Mish’s Twitter: @RecoveringMan1

Mish’s website: www.recoveringman.net