["Responsibly Yours"] The MELROSE MADNESS podcast is back once again, with your hosts Lisa & Wayne and producers Ilana & Chris taking a long look at Melrose Place season 1 episode 9. In which: Billy’s fraud, sociopathy, and protagonist syndrome collide with a single mother who is essentially bad decisions made flesh. Jake’s rules for dating collide with his own lust and rage. Billy’s elbow collides with Alison’s boob. And, oh yeah. There. Is. A. Child. Involved. 0:00:00 The long view of Melrose Place (still spoiler-free) 0:04:05 Lisa & Wayne, farting around 0:05:52 Billy is a liar, from the beginning 0:09:43 There’s a child involved here 0:12:28 Genre-hopping in search of a tone 0:14:54 Martin falls into Billy’s trap 0:15:44 Getting deep about Billy’s money handling 0:16:30 Alison’s bread handling (and the horrifying meals of Melrose Place) 0:21:24 Billy elbows Alison, right in the boob 0:23:58 Fashion: Dawn’s wardrobe 0:24:37 The problem with Billy’s cab-based dating strategy 0:26:16 Billy is the main character in any scenario (if you ask him) 0:32:01 The stasis problem and the replaceability of cast members 0:34:04 Sandy & Jake’s nonplot 0:38:04 Dreaming Jake & Michael in “Change-Up” 0:40:10 Never accept tickets to an open mic 0:45:23 Bringing it back to poor Martin (and “the MILF guy”) 0:47:01 “Just One of the Guys” 0:48:59 The worst thing Alison did 0:50:01 A low-key running theme: The terribleness of Jane’s Mancini Original designs 0:51:28 Extras of the week: Sexy dancers at Shooters 0:52:28 Producer Ilana’s coffee count (and respecting consent) 0:54:17 Quotations