I observe how much I hate the Observatory. I had no business using one of the cameras from The Revenant to shoot my dick jokes with, but I did anyway. After 27 years of deliberating and excuse making, I finally got my stupid Star Wars tattoo fixed. I can’t think of a single filmmaker in history who has ruined their legacy or fucked up their own movies more than asshole piece of shit George Lucas. I’m afraid of Vistaviews. I’m either having a weird reaction to my sleep medication, or I’m several days into the Drag Me To Hell curse/demonically possessed. Vinnie’s schmancy work Christmas party at the Sofi Stadium. I got to meet my favorite Instagram husky! Listen to grandma Luke’s account of it! Day Of The Fight, and the inimitable Jack Huston.

28 Years Later, 23 years later. I’m the asshole for bringing up the fact that people are constantly falling asleep and snoring in Los Angeles movie theaters. The resplendent bliss of Arby’s. I mostly complain about several podcasts from the last week. I went to see “Horizon,” the Kevin Costner western, so you don’t have to.

What did you do on your 30th birthday? Cigar, whiskey, chocolate. (Try it) Capote is a good movie. Reggie And The No Effect, and the west Hollywood diarrhea tour. Kidney stone update! Wild times on the 405 northbound. Simply having a miserable Christmas time. The Gene Wilder doc made me cry, the Ashley Madison doc gave me anxiety (and flashbacks).

“I’m the asshole” because my Thanksgiving food was fuckin terrible. People love to argue with me, even when they don’t really have a counterpoint. Kidney stones update. (Tell me this isn’t the most captivating podcast on the internet, I dare you) Saturday Night Stomach Ache (instead of “Fever?” Get it?) Keith from Life Of Agony is an overnight media sensation. I’m excited about meeting an internet personality soon. (Or is it..PAW-sonality??) Screenplay troubles, but also, like breakthroughs. (Also “percentage” update. Of, y’know, “it getting made.”)

It was easier to travel west here in a covered wagon than it is to keep your clean for 24hrs in this city. When will we have holographic projections like in Star Wars? Another untalented spotter at the gym robs me of greatness. I have more kidney stones than a box of Mike & Ikes

I’m usually funnier, but I think I was (literally) passing a kidney stone this episode. Leno’s black guy. Mike Tyson fought Jake Paul. (More like FAKE Paul) UFC and USA. Miller’s Crossing. (I bet you saw it a long time ago, and should watch it again) The Heretic. “Mondays, amirite?”

I don’t care about Halloween this year, 2024. (Probably because Im old, and crabby. I like seeing slutty costumes, but Im just too lazy) “Girl” trouble. Smile 2 (“tWoOo?!”) Trump was on Rogan and Hinchliffe was at Trump, and people handled it as maturely and reasonably as you’d expect. I want credit for being DECADES ahead of “we all hate Mariah Carey Christmas music now.” Grave circumstances in Bevery Hills.