Some people keep promises. Some people watch good movies. I did neither this week and let my intrusive thoughts convince me to watch Desert Monster (China, 2022) on Hi-Yah, a self-important monster flick that tries to deny it's B-movie bonnafides. Thankfully, Grady watched a good movie, Oddity (Ireland, 2024) on Shudder, a chilling blend of creepy house and Jewish folklore. We mourn the impromptu passing of Melissa, who was abducted and devoured by flying meatballs. Also, was Little Nicky a good movie or a great movie?

There are shark movies and there are shark movies. Ninja vs Shark (Japan, 2023) is definitely the former - a bonkers Power Rangers-y shark flick that gets derailed by tone deaf plotlines and an irredeemable protagonist. Also, two folk horror flicks drop this week: the somber Starve Acre (United Kingdom, 2024) on Shudder and the part-Japanese, part-found footage Bloat (France, United States & Japan, 2025) on VOD and limited theaters.

Do you prefer your cave monsters heavy and scary, or wildly ridiculous? Do you like happy birthdays, or celebrations with weird dialogue and flat jokes? Do you like playing with puppets? We ask the real questions this week as we go spelunking with The Cave (Germany, Australia & USA, 2005) on VOD, wonder if some "cult" films should stay forgotten with The Birthday (Spain, 2004) on Shudder and have weird fun with short films Stuffed and Meat Puppet on YouTube and Short of the Week.

What's the last unfamiliar vampire trope you encountered? Did it involve aristocratic face paint? This week, we get folksy with unique bloodsuckers in The Vourdalak (France, 2023) on Shudder and vengeful with The Sermon (United Kingdom, 2018) on Shortverse. Plus, we chat about the deep xenomorphic roots of the Metroid franchize and why you should avoid the cringey edgelord Coffee Table movie dropping on Shudder.

Did "The Creature from the Black Lagoon" need kung fu? Does an off-the-wall zombie plot twist need the B-movie treatment, or can it work in a serious movie? What do the top men at Tubi think of your genetics? This week, we get wild with Water Monster (China, 2019) on Hi-Yah and get amnesia with Die Alone (Canada & USA, 2024) on Tubi. We also play around with My Test Tubi and highlight fantasy horror, spooky nuns and mid-life crises dropping on VOD.

How do you judge a monster movie? If it's all about the practical effects, then The Tank (New Zealand, 2023) should slither into your eyeballs. If you want a creature feature with a sense of humor, though, head into the outback with Carnifex (Australia, 2022). Both are on Tubi. Also, a record-breaking Thai flick inspired by The Evil Dead hits Netflix and a vampire movie with the most on-the-nose title in history hits Shudder.

Does evil come from within us, or from family vacations to weird islands? What about weird sci-fi tunnels that close randomly? This week, we get gothic as all get out with Nosferatu (USA, United Kingdom & Hungary, 2024) and try to keep from spoiling Get Away (United Kingdom, 2024), Nick Frost's latest quotable horror comedy. Also, Marcus gets creeped the hell out by the short film Tunnelen (Norway, 2016, AKA The Tunnel) which Grady and Melissa manage to shrug off.

Every vampire movie feels familiar for a reason. This week, we dive into the OG horror flick - the century-old Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror (Germany, 1922), a film that's easier to appreciate and admire than enjoy. Plus, we also flag "elder millennial" references in the short film Last Orders (United Kingdom, 2021) on Shortverse, chat about Florence Stoker and Joseph Campbell, and Marcus and Melissa make huge historical errors. One of them is funny; the other came from misremembering Queer for Fear on Shudder, a great documentary mini-series that I should rewatch before misquoting.