In this episode, Jack Boswell explores the intricate Iranian custom of taarof, a tradition of elaborate etiquette and rituals of deference that reveal how small acts of courtesy can foster deep connections and mutual respect.

Joining Jack is Eve Esfandiari-Denney, a poet and PhD candidate in creative writing, who shares how taarof has shaped her identity and family relationships. For Eve, taarof is more than just politeness - it’s a way to honour loved ones and express care, even in simple gestures.

Jack also speaks with William Beeman, an anthropologist who has spent years studying Iranian culture. William explains how taarof acts as a “social lubricant”, smoothing interactions by encouraging people to symbolically elevate others while lowering themselves. Rooted in humility and reciprocity, taarof creates a balanced social harmony where respect is shared, and hierarchies are softened.

Beyond its role in daily life, Jack and his guests uncover a deeper spiritual dimension to taarof, with ties to ancient Sufi traditions of love and unity. Whether among strangers or family, taarof becomes a ritualised way of showing reverence, empathy, and even joy - turning ordinary exchanges into meaningful moments of connection.

This episode reflects on the beauty of this tradition and how it reminds us of the profound value in elevating others, nurturing relationships and expressing gratitude in our own lives.

Host: Jack Boswell Producer: Emma Crampton and Sophie McNulty Senior Producer: Harry Stott Executive Producer: Sandra Ferrari Production Coordinator: James Cox Audio Supervisor: Tom Biddle Sound Editor: Alan Leer and Lizzy Andrews

A Message Heard production for BBC Radio 4