In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I’m doing something I haven’t done in a while: I’m talking about the good. Specifically, I’m sharing about the camp I grew up going to "The Swamp". This was the one place in my time in the church that truly felt like a safe space. A place where I was seen and heard, where I could be my weird, creative self without fear. This story isn’t just about camp—it’s about the power of being seen, the impact of adults who show up for kids, and the importance of creating those pockets of light in a world that can feel so dark. I hope you’ll sit with me as I unpack it, and maybe find a little bit of light and hope for yourself along the way.

Thank you for your support of Clemenz With a Z. Your support and your willingness to sit with these stories means the world to me—it helps keep these important conversations going. If you’re a member, were a member, or know someone who was part of the ICOC or ICC and you’d like to share your story, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram.

And as always—if this episode resonated with you, please consider leaving a rating or a review. It helps more people find these conversations.

If you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524

Or head to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop—every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m truly grateful for it.

Until next time—remember: there is light, even in the dark places. And sometimes, it starts with one person showing up and saying, “I see you.” Peace.

This episode starts with a viral Instagram reel that’s been stuck in my head for days. In it, a pastor watches a video of a mom sharing how her son—just four or five years old—picked out a pink backpack. You hear the dad in the background, upset about it, saying he needs something more “boyish.” The pastor looks at the camera and says, “This is why we need dads.” But what does that really mean? Because when I hear that line, I don’t just hear a statement—I hear an old, familiar fear. A fear I’ve felt myself. A fear that showed up one day in a shoe store, when my own son reached for a pair of pink sparkly Vans and I almost steered him away. In this episode, I’m wrestling with that fear—the one that tells us to shrink, to hide, to protect our kids from the world instead of protecting what’s good in them. I’m talking about what color really means, how it’s never just about a backpack or a pair of shoes, and what kind of dad I actually want to be. It’s a conversation about masculinity, shame, freedom—and the healing we’re still called to do.

If today’s conversation stirred something in you—whether you’re a parent, a former kid who got teased for wearing the wrong color, or someone just trying to unlearn the fear you were handed—just know you’re not alone.

These stories matter. Your story matters.

And I’m grateful you’re here, doing the work with me.

You can reach me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or shoot me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

If you’re enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review. It helps more people find their way to these conversations, and maybe find a little peace, too.

And if you’d like to support the show, you can donate at gofund.me/7ebb0524, or grab something meaningful from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep this space alive.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I take a hard look at how fear-based faith and the obsession with the afterlife can steal the present from us—how it turns life into a constant performance instead of a real, lived experience. Using a gut-punch line from Frank Turner—“If you’re all about the destination, then take a fucking flight”—I unpack how Jesus’ own teachings and presence call us back to the moment, to the street, to the beauty of now. This isn’t about throwing away faith—it’s about reclaiming it from the systems that make it all about tomorrow, so we can finally start living today.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z. If this stirred something in you—if you’re beginning to question the constant striving, the obsession with the afterlife, or the idea that you have to earn your worth—I just want you to know: you're not alone.

I’ve been there. And I’m still here, learning what it means to stop performing and start being. To believe that maybe presence is the point. That maybe the Kingdom really is already within us.

If you're a member, were a member, or know someone who was part of the ICOC or ICC and wants to share your story—especially around what it felt like to live under all that pressure—please reach out. You can email me at gofund.me/7ebb0524, or grab something meaningful from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep this space alive.

Until next time, take care of yourself. Slow down. Be here. And remember: I’m just a channel. I ain’t the source.

Peace.

This is a symbolic story about the faith I inherited—what it gave me, what it took from me, and the weight it carried. Told through the metaphor of a backpack, it reflects the journey of growing up believing I had everything I needed, only to discover that much of what I was carrying wasn’t mine to begin with.

At first, the backpack made me feel safe. Certain. Part of something bigger. But as I got older, it began to hurt—physically, emotionally, spiritually. The tools stopped working. The answers didn’t fit. And yet, I kept carrying it, because I was told I had to.

This piece is about the quiet moment when that changed. When I set it down. When I looked inside. When I finally asked: What have I been carrying all this time?

For anyone who’s ever inherited belief, identity, or expectation without being asked—this is for you.

If this story stirred something in you— if you’ve ever felt the weight of something you didn’t choose, if you’ve ever questioned what you were handed and wondered what was really yours— just know: you’re not alone.

I carried it too. For a long time. And I’m still learning what to let go of, what to hold on to, and how to walk with my own breath in my lungs.

If you want to reach out, share your story, or just connect, you can email me at gofund.me/7ebb0524, or grab something meaningful from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep this space alive.

Until next time— set it down if you need to. Breathe deep. And remember: you get to choose what you carry now.

Peace.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I sit down with Emma for a powerful conversation in the We Were in a Cult? series. Emma was born into the ICOC—raised as a Kingdom Kid by parents who helped plant churches overseas and in the U.S. For her, the church wasn’t something she joined; it was the world she inherited. We talk about what it means to grow up in a high-control religious environment, how deeply it shapes your sense of identity and worth, and the long, painful process of untangling truth from fear. Emma’s story is honest, reflective, and deeply relatable for anyone who has ever questioned the system they were raised in. This episode is for the ones still processing, still healing, and still learning how to trust their own voice again.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.

If you’d like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524

Also—if you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m so grateful for it.

Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussion of sexual trauma, spiritual manipulation, family dynamics, and feelings of violation. Please listen with care.

In this powerful and honest conversation, I sit down with Ari, host of The Disallusioned Podcast. Ari shares her journey through two different high-control religious environments—growing up in a strict evangelical space and later becoming involved in a cult as an adult. We talk about the lasting impact of spiritual control, what it takes to walk away, and the ongoing work of healing and reclaiming your story. This episode is not easy, but it is real—and I’m so grateful to Ariel for her vulnerability and strength in telling it. Be sure to check out more of her story and the important work she’s doing over on The DisallusionedPodcast, available wherever you get your podcasts

Huge thanks to Ari for joining me and sharing so openly. If you want to hear more of her story, be sure to check out her podcast, The Disallusioned Podcast, available wherever you get your podcasts. She’s doing some powerful work over there, and I’m honored to have had her here.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and maybe, just maybe, find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.

If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit.

Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace.

There’s a verse in Luke where Jesus says, “The kingdom of God is within you.” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Not because it’s complicated, but because it’s so simple—and somehow, still so hard to believe. This episode is about that struggle. About what it means to stop chasing something you already have. I talk about rest, about the creation story, about what I learned from The BEMA Podcast, and about why so many of us—including me—still feel like we have to prove our worth to God, to others, and to ourselves. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough, like you’ve missed something, or like you’re just tired of the hustle—this one’s for you.

If this episode stirred something in you—if you’re wrestling with what it means to stop striving, to come home to yourself, to believe you’re already enough— just know you’re not alone.

I’m right here, walking it too.

If you want to reach out, share your story, or just connect, you can find me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or DM me on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

If you enjoyed this conversation, it would mean a lot if you’d rate and review the show—it helps other people find their way here too.

If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit.

Until next time— breathe deep, trust the quiet, and remember: the kingdom is already within you.

Peace.

For a long time, I thought the Bible was supposed to fix everything. It was the answer key. The rulebook. The voice of God, clear and final. That’s how it was taught to me in the ICOC—the International Churches of Christ—where the Bible wasn’t just important, it was everything. We studied it, memorized it, submitted to it. It was presented as perfect, literal, inerrant—and if your life didn’t match up with it, you were the problem. But what happens when you start to question the way you've been taught to read it? What happens when the Bible becomes less of a guide and more of a god? In this episode of This Was Supposed to Be the Place, I dive into the idolatry of the Bible—how we elevate it, weaponize it, and often miss the deeper point it was always trying to make. I’m not a scholar. I’m not a theologian. I’m just someone who lived it, who got burned by it, and who’s trying to come back to it with softer eyes. This isn’t about throwing the Bible out. It’s about taking it off the pedestal and asking what kind of relationship we were actually meant to have with it.

If this resonated, if you’ve got thoughts, pushback, or your own story—I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or send a DM on Instagram at @clemenzwithaz.

If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit.

And as always: I’m just a channel. I ain’t the source.