In this episode of Autistic FM, we sit down with Cheyenne, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent individual navigating life with autism, ADHD, and a history of trauma. Cheyenne is a devoted mother and wife, an advocate for vulnerable communities, and a passionate explorer of art, nature, and growth.

Cheyenne’s story is one of resilience and transformation. From a tumultuous childhood marked by abuse and manipulation, she’s worked tirelessly to redefine intimacy, love, and trust in her adult life. Through unmasking her neurodivergence and breaking generational cycles of abuse, Cheyenne has cultivated a family life filled with honesty, comfort, and unconditional love.

This episode dives into how autism can shape one’s understanding of connection and empathy. Cheyenne shares how her son’s potential autism diagnosis sparked her own journey of self-discovery and how her husband’s unwavering support helped her reclaim her agency. Together, they’ve created a loving environment rooted in mutual growth and understanding, offering a powerful glimpse into what it means to heal and thrive.

Trigger warnings

This episode contains discussions of sexual assault, child abuse, trauma, and manipulation. While graphic details are not included, the topics may be sensitive for some listeners. Please take care of yourself .

Topics covered

• Cheyenne’s journey as a late-discovered neurodivergent individual

• Breaking generational cycles of abuse

• Reclaiming intimacy and defining healthy relationships

• Autism and the experience of empathy

• The challenges of navigating diagnostic processes in rural areas

• Building a family life grounded in unconditional love and support

• How media portrayals of love inspired healing and change

About Cheyenne

Cheyenne is a 29-year-old mother, wife, artist, and advocate living in Missouri. Passionate about nurturing growth and breaking cycles of trauma, she finds joy in gardening, creating art, and advocating for marginalized communities, including plants and animals. Coming from a difficult background, she is committed to fostering healthier, more authentic relationships in her family and community. Her story is a testament to the power of resilience, self-discovery, and the transformative nature of love and understanding.

In this episode of Autistic FM, we sit down with Kendra Koch, founder of Divergently, a platform for late-diagnosed neurodivergent women. Kendra shares her diagnosis journey, which began during her pregnancy and the pandemic. We discuss the unique challenges neurodivergent women face, including masking, sensory sensitivities, and navigating societal expectations. We discuss why so many women are diagnosed later in life and how Kendra’s experiences inspired her to build a community specifically tailored to their needs.

Kendra introduces Divergently as a safe space offering peer support, expert-led workshops, and practical resources. Designed to bridge the gap between the wellness industry and medical care, it addresses overlooked day-to-day challenges neurodivergent women face. She explains why late-diagnosed women are underserved by traditional systems and highlights the platform’s January launch.

We also explore Kendra’s personal experience with burnout and her commitment to “Building without burnout.” She shares insights into preventing burnout, the importance of the 7 types of rest, and how embracing neurodivergence can foster creativity and connection. This episode is packed with inspiration and actionable ideas for anyone navigating life as a late-diagnosed neurodivergent person.

Trigger warnings for this episode: This episode contains discussions about mental health challenges, burnout, and the impacts of neurodivergence, including sensory sensitivities, societal pressures, and personal struggles with self-worth. While these topics are shared to foster understanding and connection, they may be sensitive or triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself while listening.

Topics covered in Episode 7

• Late Diagnosis: How pregnancy and the pandemic led Kendra to her ADHD diagnosis at 34, and her growing awareness of her autism.

• Masking & Identity: The impact of masking and societal expectations on neurodivergent women.

• Divergently: Kendra’s vision for creating a safe and supportive community for late-diagnosed neurodivergent women.

• Burnout Prevention: The personal and systemic challenges of building without burnout, especially for neurodivergent founders.

• The Seven Types of Rest: Exploring physical, mental, emotional, social, sensory, creative, and spiritual rest, and their importance for preventing burnout.

• Advocating for Neurodivergent Needs: Practical tips for navigating work and relationships while honoring your needs

In this episode of Autistic FM, we sit down with Darcy von Borstel, an Adapted Physical Education Specialist from Sacramento, California. Darcy’s work focuses on helping students with diverse abilities, including autistic individuals, improve their gross motor skills and navigate physical education with confidence and creativity.

Darcy shares her insights on how physical education can foster critical life skills like reciprocal play, which helps autistic individuals build meaningful interactions with peers. From using bubble wands as motivation to teaching kids the joy of throwing and catching, she explains how tailoring approaches to each student’s unique needs and interests can transform their learning experience. Darcy also dives into the concepts of proprioception and interoception, shedding light on how sensory processing differences can shape autistic individuals’ relationship with physical activity.

The conversation explores Darcy’s personal journey as well, including her empathy for neurodivergent individuals, shaped by her own experiences with MS, cancer, and the cognitive challenges they’ve brought. Her vulnerability and resilience shine through as she reflects on how these challenges have deepened her patience, awareness, and connection with her students.

Topics Covered:

• ​ The role of physical education in fostering social skills for autistic individuals
• ​ Understanding gross motor skills and their impact on development
• ​ Reciprocal play as a gateway to social interaction
• ​ Proprioception, interoception, and their unique challenges in autism
• ​ The importance of tailored teaching approaches for neurodivergent students
• ​ Darcy’s personal health journey and its influence on her work
• ​ Why the education system still has a long way to go in embracing neurodiversity

In Episode 5 of Autistic FM, we talk to Vance, a 19-year-old autistic, gay, trans man who’s navigating life in Brighton, England, while studying Psychology and Criminology. Vance shares his journey of self-discovery—from realizing he was neurodivergent after a thoughtless comment during an online gaming session to embracing his trans identity in the midst of pandemic-era introspection.

We dive into the intersection of neurodivergence and identity, unpacking themes like masking, dysphoria, and the challenges of navigating relationships as a neurodivergent queer person. Vance shares the power of finding community in a house full of neurodivergent individuals, the joy of feeling seen and understood, and the necessity of safe, inclusive spaces.

Topics included in this episode

• The unexpected moment that sparked Vance’s realization of his neurodivergence

• Why Vance is choosing not to pursue a formal autism diagnosis

• The interplay of neurodivergence and gender identity

• Navigating dysphoria and finding ways to feel more at home in his body

• How masking impacts relationships and daily life

• The role of community in fostering acceptance and connection

• Insights into being perceived accurately in relationships

Note: You may notice some audio inconsistencies in this episode. We’re improving our recording setup to ensure better quality for future interviews—thanks for your patience!

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses dysphoria, masking, and ableism.

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In episode 4, we welcome Jen, a social worker from the Netherlands, who shares her experiences navigating the neurodivergent world with depth and vulnerability. Jen delves into the hidden costs of masking, the profound joy of unmasking, and the concept of “autistic joy”—those pure, unfiltered moments of delight in being true to oneself.

Haje and Jen explore the challenges of growing up undiagnosed and the journey toward self-identification as autistic. They discuss how masking can lead to burnout, the importance of creating inclusive workplaces, and the nuanced understanding of what it means to be authentically autistic. Jen also highlights her experience at Autscape, an autism-friendly conference, as a turning point in feeling deeply seen and understood.

This episode is a heartfelt exploration of resilience, acceptance, and the transformative power of connection. Join us for a candid conversation about the costs of masking, the beauty of autistic joy, and the possibilities of creating a world where difference is celebrated.

You can find more of Jen on TikTok, at @Jen.The.Rainbow, and she has a Dutch TikTok at @JenTheRainbowNL. You can also find her on YouTube at @JenTheRainbow.

Topics Covered:

• The challenges of late autism identification

• Masking and its impact on well-being

• Autistic joy and its significance

• Creating inclusive workspaces for neurodivergent individuals

• The role of self-identification and formal diagnoses

• Building authentic relationships while navigating masking

• Jen’s reflections on the Autscape conference as a space of belonging

Trigger Warnings: Brief mentions of burnout and mental health challenges. Listen at your discretion.

In episode 3, we speak with Nikki, a young autistic woman, about her journey to self-discovery and acceptance. Nikki opens up about what it means to navigate life with a late autism diagnosis, the emotional challenges of masking, and the sense of validation she found in embracing her neurodivergent identity.

Together, Haje and Nikki discuss the complexities of growing up as an autistic woman, including the pressure to conform, the struggle to find an understanding therapist, and the alarming rates of abuse faced by autistic women. Nikki also shares practical advice on finding support and community, from connecting with other neurodivergent individuals to discovering safe spaces on social media.

This episode shines a light on autism as both a part of identity and a lens through which autistic individuals experience the world—a world often unprepared for them. Join us for an honest conversation that dives deep into resilience, community, and the power of self-acceptance.

Trigger Warning: Brief mentions of sexual violence statistics. Listen at your discretion.

Topics Covered:

• The journey to an autism diagnosis

• The importance of neurodivergent therapists

• Navigating stereotypes and gender biases in autism

• The challenges of masking and self-acceptance

• Finding community and connection within the neurodivergent world

• Insights into autism and abuse statistics

• Nikki’s reflections on identity, resilience, and belonging

Nikki Skara received her autism diagnosis in 2023 after a few years of research and speculation. Since then, she has made it her life's goal to promote acceptance and understanding for autistic people of all stripes. Nikki enjoys writing, songwriting, making video essays, gaming, cosplaying, and adding to her ever-increasing Lego collection.

She is a proud aunt to four naughty yet adorable cats.

Find her on YouTube under @itsnikkis, on TikTok on @nikkisingsandotherthings and Instagram under the same handle (@nikkisingsandotherthings).

About Nikki

Nikki Skara received her autism diagnosis in 2023 after a few years of research and speculation. Since then, she has made it her life's goal to promote acceptance and understanding for autistic people of all stripes. Nikki enjoys writing, songwriting, making video essays, gaming, cosplaying, and adding to her ever-increasing Lego collection.

She is a proud aunt to four naughty yet adorable cats.

Find her on YouTube under @itsnikkis, on TikTok on @nikkisingsandotherthings and Instagram under the same handle (@nikkisingsandotherthings).

In this episode of Autistic FM, Haje Kamps and Sofi Elkin delve into the complexities of communication in relationships, particularly for neurodivergent individuals. Sofi opens up about her journey toward discovering her neurodivergence in adulthood and how unmasking has profoundly affected her relationship dynamics. She discusses the process of realizing that both she and her partner had been masking their communication styles, leading to misunderstandings and frustration early on in their relationship. Over time, Sofi and her partner learned to communicate more authentically, understanding that as neurodivergent individuals, they would need to approach communication in ways that felt true to themselves rather than conforming to neurotypical norms.

A central theme of their conversation is learning to handle conflict and regulate emotions together. Sofi shares how, through couples therapy and continuous self-reflection, she and her partner developed tools to address conflict in a healthy way. They prioritize creating a safe emotional space for one another, which allows them to navigate difficult conversations without fear or resentment. Weekly check-ins have become a ritual where they openly discuss what went well or what could be improved, which helps reduce miscommunication and promotes empathy. By establishing these routines, Sofi emphasizes that she and her partner have strengthened their relationship and made conflict less daunting.

Sofi is an AuDHD content creator, online sex educator, and "jack of all trades" (master of few). She grew up in Costa Rica and is a "third culture child". Her neurodivergence went undiagnosed until adulthood, which led her to using her platform to spread awareness and advocate for other late or self-diagnosed ADHD and autistic folks.

You can find more of Sofi on Instagram (@SofiXElkin) and TikTok (@_Sofisticated)

In this episode of Autistic FM, host Haje Kamps interviews Bella, an autistic woman from San Francisco, who shares her life experiences from being diagnosed with autism at the age of four to managing life and healthcare as an adult.

Bella opens up about a difficult childhood, marked by an unsupportive family environment and instability. Despite these early challenges, she found a meaningful friendship that blossomed into an essential support system, particularly as she navigates adulthood and life as an autistic person. This friend has played a pivotal role, becoming her caregiver and helping her with emotional stability and daily management, underscoring the importance of trust and reliable support in the face of ongoing trauma.

Bella recounts the challenges of accessing proper medical care due to systemic issues within healthcare institutions. She highlights bureaucratic missteps, like losing her autism diagnosis records, which forced her to undergo repeated diagnoses. Bella describes feeling infantilized and dismissed by healthcare providers, who often fail to treat her as an adult and overlook her specific needs as an autistic person, such as avoiding phone communication. These challenges are not isolated but reflect broader flaws in the healthcare system that complicate care for neurodivergent individuals.

Bella has learned over time to advocate for her rights within the medical system, including the right to refuse certain treatments or medications. Her experiences underscore a growing awareness of her boundaries, a skill she encourages others to develop. However, she also faces ongoing struggles with asserting her “no” in a system that often disregards patient autonomy, highlighting a need for healthcare providers to better respect and understand autistic individuals’ communication preferences and autonomy.

Bella shares her experiences with ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy, which, in her case, involved forced “masking” to appear neurotypical. She describes the process as abusive and dehumanizing, echoing the broader autistic community’s criticism of ABA as a therapy that prioritizes compliance over well-being. This discussion underscores a need for autism-affirming care practices that respect autistic individuals’ natural behaviors rather than attempting to “normalize” them.

The theme of trust and unconditional care is woven throughout Bella’s narrative, particularly in her relationship with her caregiver, who has become a lifeline through various crises. Her caregiver’s consistent support, understanding of her needs, and advocacy in medical contexts exemplify how positive, trust-based relationships can empower autistic individuals to navigate complex challenges. This theme reinforces the importance of interpersonal relationships in autistic people’s lives, particularly when facing a medical system that frequently fails to meet their needs.

Bella is speaking with Autistic FM under a pseudonym.

Trigger warnings: This episode includes themes of child neglect, the abusive nature of 1990s ABA therapy, and a brief description of physical violence.

00:00 Introduction

00:19 Interview

01:06 A traumatic childhood

03:41 Navigating the medical system

06:22 Getting diagnosed - 3 times

06:45 Aside: DSM-V and the'levels' of autism

08:38 Losing more records

14:14 Aside: What's an AAC device?

17:04 Anxiety and the medical system

17:54 COVID-19 and autism

19:57 Involuntary holds (5150 and 5250)

22:51 Good healthcare experiences

25:45 Self advocacy

36:17 ABA Therapy

42:01 Diagnosing Autism today

44:49 Closing notes

47:38 Closing credits